Thursday, December 9, 2021

The Qarollverse | 2022 hopes & plans

2021 is ending.

I don't know about anyone else, but this was an absolute waste of a year. I might as well be going back into 2021 with how little I look forward to 2022. 

But I'm going to try hard not to think about that.

As you can see, I've started a new blog since my old one was just...Ugh. Despicable. Over the fifteen years I've been using Blogger, I must have made about six blogs and started them all for the same reasons: My depression became such that my entries became too embarrassing to look at. It's just a rinsing and repeating cycle that happens every few years or so.

Shame.

So, let' see if I can gather my thoughts coherently...

I have a shitload to talk about for my first entry back into the online world of blogging. I can only hope I don't disappoint myself...

Starting with—

2022 Hopes

I'm considering a few things for 2022. Namely stopping things. I won't stop working on my stories—how can I? But I am wondering if it is worth it to continue streaming. There's nothing I'd be doing instead, I admit, but there's also not much of a reason for me to continue at all. 

Why I started streaming, to begin with

Unlike many, I didn't start streaming to be part of a community, not really. I started because I was hoping it would be a good way to get my stories out into the world, get some attention. And because that hasn't quite worked, I am questioning my worth as a storyteller. There's no point for me to continue streaming and showing off my precious work if no one takes any interest...

I am a storyteller, first and foremost. Without an interest in my work, I am...lost. I have no fulfillment, no purpose in life. 

It might sound dramatic, but that's the truth for me. It's a truth even I have had to come to grips with in the past few months as I've wondered over and over why I felt so unfulfilled despite doing the very thing I love so much...

Shame.

2022 Plans

I don't really have any plans for 2022 but to survive it without attempting to take my own life. It's the best I can hope for right now...


My Pseudonyms

    • One Hollows' Eve

I left the internet for six months or so because I felt completely ashamed of myself. I actually went ahead to make myself a new pseudonym with the intention to distance myself from my writing and written works. 

...It didn't go over well for the same reasons as before as well as reasons I really should have seen coming: I can't keep up appearances when I'm not myself...and I returned to writing after all. Because writing and storytelling are in my bones, marrow, and veins. I can't leave them behind even if I wanted to. It's saddening sometimes but it's just the reality of my...existence. 

I'm now stuck with the situation of getting rid of all my online profiles under the Elian Hollow/One Hollows' Eve pseuds. I worked really hard on those profiles and stuff. It's a shame I'll have to get rid of them. But I hate having multiple accounts online, especially when I don't use them, and I haven't used my Elian accounts in over a month...

*Sighs*

At the same time, I suppose I could wait and see what happens in 2022 since the original plan was to do something in 2022 to begin with under said pseudonyms. It's a mess, really. 😕

    • Mareoquine

Originally, this was my pseudonym for gaming and...unsavory things. Controversial things. I think we all know about the Blackboxx Texts (and recently the trouble it actually got me into that I actually didn't quite think would happen...). But as I've come more into myself...I've...wondered if I should just...*sigh* combine everything into one. 

Much of an unwise thing that may be...

Qarollverse

Everything, all of these pseudonyms and shit...They all come under the Qarollverse. I think it's time I...got my shit together and figured out why I have all these pseudonyms and what they are for.

...Otherwise, I have no idea why I'm even doing this again.

If this doesn't work again, I solemnly swear I'm going to...stop making blogs.

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