Thursday, June 13, 2024

Sincere apologies

'Lo, ev'ryone. It's been a while, and I'm...so disappointed in myself. I already posted my apology on Ream, where it matters most, but I'll post/modify it here as well:

I've been absent online for about two months (or more) now. My mental health hasn't been great, and I'm struggling financially. I've spoken about these things on one of my Discord servers, and everyone is so understanding. I am sincerely thankful, and I apologize for not updating everyone else until now.

I overestimated myself. I thought I'd be able to do schedules for my work like a "real" online content creator/person, but I clearly cannot handle the pressure that comes with it. I blame no one but myself.

As of today, I've taken down the membership options on Ream, as I don't know why I kept them up for so long to begin with. That feels kinda shitty on my part.

I'm also going to try to open up a bit more about things going on through my personal blog, Blacked-Out Record. I was once good at being a blogger. I'd like to do that again, if for no other reason but for transparency which means a LOT to me. I don't know when I'll be able to start, and I won't give myself a date to start, but I hope to start this month.

Furthermore, I cannot and I mean I cannot thank those who have given donations through my GoFundMe for rent insecurity enough. You are all awesome, and as of two days ago, I am $5 from 1/2 to my goal of $710. I am so, so grateful to you all. This makes me feel all the more shitty that I've only come out of my depressive state to ask for donations without explaining everything first. Regardless, you are all amazing human beings.

As of today, June 13th, I really don't know what I'm going to do with my work online. I've been working on both God Noise and Human simultaneously—more God Noise than anything—and I can't even consider working on Lay No Evil right now. I'm mentally shot in many ways, but I feel like I could do better. I feel like I should do better.

In the meantime...again, thank you for your patience and understanding. I hope it gets better for all of us, eventually...

So, that's what's been going on. A whole lot of...nothing, in many ways. Nothing as in...I've not been productive at all, sorta just...surviving. Nothing worked out as far as my plans for these past three months...

I'll try to update more on what's been happening in my life here. Remember, The Blacked-Out Chronicle is for "professional" entries and this blog is for personal entries. 

I'll do my best.