Monday, February 6, 2012

2012 Update

Made a new video, at last. I guess I won't be able to update as often as I had hoped. I'm in a college program, you see, so I don't have as much time to myself. That and...when I do I usually spend it sleeping and otherwise wondering what to do first.

In other news, I have 24 followers!! Thank you very much, everyone! And I have about 6 followers on YouTube. Wow. I'm glad people are actually looking forward to my stuff. I keep thinking I'm not doing enough...

Before I go to bed tonight, aside from doing my belated homework, I just want to get a few more things off my chest I didn't know how to talk about in my video...

Recently Sebastian Columbine made a video saying how she's been...generally depressed lately. I made a comment on the video saying how I could completely relate to how she's feeling right now. Granted, I've had chronic depression for a long while now and it really isn't improving, but specifically in the past year a lot of my depression has been triggered by the inability to live my life the way I want to.

Yes, I know. " old are you?" is probably going through your head. Maybe. Maybe not. I know I'm only nineteen. I know there's a loooot "ahead" of and for me. But not being able to do so many things I want to do because of no money, where I live, not having a job, not being independent, and, of course, because I'm so socially inept; there's just so much in the way. All I can do now is focus on my education and even that is...hard. Very, very hard. I'm tortured by my dreams. I put myself to sleep dreaming about a black, white, silver, and gray house similar to my grandfather's and so independently stable and...It makes me sick, sometimes, at how pathetic I feel and sound.

So before I go on about this...


No comments:

Post a Comment