My erotica need a home

While Campfire is the home for my Paneidoverse stories, or rather the stories that are important in the Paneidoverse, I need a home for my erotica since Campfire doesn't allow that genre on their platform. I'm not savvy with the idea of putting my work on a site that's primarily for transformative work...

 

...but it seems that's where I'll have to put the stories after all. Archive of Our Own. 

Archive of Our Own

I've loved AO3 forever. I've been a user of the site for years. But I respect its purpose for transformative work. I'm not saying people who upload original work up there don't; what I mean by that is, I greatly respect their goal and mission. I love AO3 and its related organizations.

I assure you, if there was some other place where I could upload my erotica, I would do it there.  But Literotica is bizarre and offputting. I'll give it a legit chance, but I feel it isn't the place for me. I really do.

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Erotica to put online

I've nothing erotica-related complete but Passions of the Lune, but I like looking ahead to see what else I might want to put online...

Passions of the Lune

Obviously. Now, this story is currently being rewritten, so it won't be put up in some while, anyway. It's on its third version. Very good. It will probably be a blend of its original Camp NaNo 2019 Winner version and the second version after it I had started but never finished. Sounds good. 

I was originally thinking of making an abridged version of this story, but that's a terrible idea. For me. I'm not rewriting this story for innocent eyes. The fuck. Why would I do that. 😩

...Not...that I might not change my mind in the future. In fact, that might be a good way to figure out how to get this story together... 🤔

Er, anyway. Passions is my first erotica and I want it to be treated super-special-like. At the moment, I am only not sure how to do that. Or, ah, where to put it. 

There is furthermore an alternate telling of it that I've considered in which Arius and Azul's positions are changed but that might not work...We'll see.

Liquorish

I'm having trouble with this story, to be fair. Sometimes I even wonder if it'll even be written or if I should put it into the...Recycle Bin. 😫 Therefore, I'm unsure if I should speak about it much more than say I do intend to put it up as well...

Boogeyman

Aside from needing a new title like yesterday, of course, I plan on putting my first-thought erotica up online. Depending on what I do with it, it might even be a bit of an important story, much like Passions having a connection to Inhuman. Well, that doesn't make it important, per se, but far more than just mere erotica.

...Actually. That has me thinking. 🤔 Maybe I can do something with this story, plot-wise...

Ah, well, I'll work on that.

As far as a new name, ah. That. Is a very good question. I have absolutely no idea what sort of naming convention I should go with. Originally, it was meant to be more than erotica and actually tell the story of how the Boogeyman "fell from grace", but that idea is so freaking outdated it isn't even funny. 

Hopefully, I'll come up with something before my rewrite of Passions is done. It's going to be the harbinger of all the erotica I put online...

Speaking of which, I...never got Boogeyman off the ground. It'll probably be the longest of all my erotica, too. It has the most and densest plot. Grr. Plot.

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That's that. Archive of Our Own's gonna have to be the place for now. Only, I don't have any erotica stories to put up at the moment...

Witchcraft "vs" African spirituality

I've done more thinking/soul-searching and research and have realized what I really want to do.

Let's start this from the beginning...

Witchcraft and I

I've had an interest in witchcraft since I was very young. Now, the Qur'an pretty much lumped anything that wasn't Abrahamic under the category of Pagan and any sort of craft related to spellwork was automatically labeled "witchcraft". As a child, I, naturally, shunned these things because of what I was taught.

However, I grew interested in witchcraft through what I saw in the media, admittedly. Anything witchcraft-related interested me. I honestly wasn't afraid, at least I don't remember so.

As they do in the media, I had no idea that there was a separation of the different types of spiritual practices. Everything was Pagan and lumped under witchcraft.

Later on, I came to realize most of what people actually mean and say when they imagine witchcraft is Eurocentric, "Western" witchcraft. 

Came to find out recently that I don't like that...

...for myself.

It really isn't for me.

No, what I want is African spirituality. That's what I've wanted from the beginning but I completely forgot about it!! Now, that's not to say I still don't want to have ocean-related...hmm...not sure what the word is. But I still have such a strong connection to the ocean.

I just don't want to get into witchcraft anymore.

African spirituality and I

This isn't completely new to me, to be honest. It's rather sad, now that I think about it...

The story starts when I was young, too, with my grandfather. He had idols in his living room, or what looked like idols; what they actually were, I'm not sure. My parents called them idols. He had African masks on his walls. I was curious about them, but my parents told me they were Haram and we couldn't even pray in the living room because of them.

...I think he might have even taken them down because of us. If he did, that makes me sad...

Maybe ever since, I never felt connected to my African roots. Never had an interest in it.

As I entered my early 20s and saw everyone I knew who was black talking about their African roots in some way or form, I felt a bit...ashamed? Off? I don't know. Maybe I felt like I was missing something. I still felt disconnected and was technically okay with it, but I noticed that disconnect a bit more and was curious about it.

Now, I'm...lost. I want to get in touch with myself, and that includes my African roots. I need to embrace all of myself. I want to connect with...perhaps...the part of those roots I can grasp onto.

I'll still be myself. I doubt I'll ever take on the...*sigh* the "look", for instance, that comes with most people who take on their ancestral roots. I will still be me at the end of the day...

Or so I think now. I'm ignorant of who I will become at the end of this journey.

Perhaps I shall transform and be at peace with that...

I don't know.

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Well...to conclude. I am lost.

I've always questioned my spirituality. 

I've wondered what my purpose in life is.

Is there more to my life to this?

Who am I?

I look for enlightenment...purpose. Connection. 

And if connecting to my ancestry does that, I'm all for it. I'll be more than happy. I want it. 

I'm not sure if that's the "right way" to put it. 

But I know what my intentions are.

2022

Well. It's here. The dreaded year. I say dreaded for a reason not many will understand and I'm not interested in explaining publicly. Regardless, it's here. 

There's much I plan to do this year. Working hard on my stories is one of them, of course. Streaming, focusing on the Paneidoverse, keeping track of the Qarollverse...

In the past two days, I've actually already started some new ideas. Not new stories, just new ideas. Merged several stories together...and I look forward to talking about it, eventually. But I know I need to start focusing on real-life shit far more than I have over the past...several years. 2022 is going to be my attempt to do that.

Ah, and the 31D31S challenge begins today, too. I'll take some time to work on that, of course. Should be fun. Might lead to some new stories in the future...

...and I'm just repeating nonsense at this point, so I'll shut up...

Well. Here's to 2022. 🍵 May it be a...decent year.