An Introduction: Stage Three

Yo. In case you were lucky enough to have never read my first blog, the name's Mar. I'd prefer it that you call me Mar or Mareonet ("ma-ray-o-nay"). I'm a complicated, diverse youngster and I consider myself part of many alternative subcultures. This is my second blog, a sort of rant chronicle of my my stage three, which is hopefully a hella lot more interesting than my stage two. What do I mean by stages, you ask?

My first stage, stage zero, was doing what every child does: what they're told. I believed what I was told. I did what I was told. Or in other words, I was simply that. A child. Innocent, for the most part, and my little heart untainted. My stage one was the stage of rebellion and figuring out what my likes and dislikes are, but still pretty much too afraid to break out of my protective mold as much as I wanted to, around ages ten to fifteen. Stage two was when I was beginning to travel on the road to my ultimate dreams and who I really want to be, not what others say I should be, believing what I believe to be truth...yet conflicted between myself(s). I was hesitant to dare to do things. That lasted from around age fifteen to nineteen. And now, the beginning of stage three is me daring to be who I am....whoever, that is, I actually am.

I hope for the stage after this to be me on that road to my ultimate dream and already knowing I am indeed who I want to be and no one will change that. I don't care how much someone doesn't like it...

To end this rather strange intro, welcome to my stage three. I'm a ranter, so a lot of entries will still be rants and vents, and interests and shit, but hopefully this blog will include more pictures and bits of my everyday doings instead of what's on my mind.

...But I doubt that.

New Year...new blog

...So it's 2013. Originally, A Dark Mind in Dark Times was...weird. I look back on entries from 2011 and I cringe. I don't know about myself, anymore...

So I've decided, to hell with this. I don't know what I'm going to do with this blog, and I don't know where it is going. I haven't had the chance to go back on all of those entries with my pictures on them, and I don't...I just...
I don't even know how to freaking explain myself. There has to be a word for my inability to do so...

Don't mind me. I'm just pissed off after having a week and a half of school missed because I got sick for that entire duration and now I have to do an essay in which I'm pulling blanks for.

...Anyway...
That means...Stage Three comes sooner than expected after all.

Seriously, people. I'm pulling at straws, here. Originally, this blog was a place to rant and talk about my love and nature to be in various alternative subcultures, but that was pointless considering...HAHAHA! Right. The focus was then (2011) about my musings, rants and expressions of my hopes and dreams in the (near) future as I went through some hard, dark times in my life, specifically covering what it was like to be so different from the (great majority) of people interested in the alternative subcultures as a woman, African-American and Muslim.

...Riiiight.

Since that has greatly deviated, and...honestly, I don't know why I even did that...let me get this straight.

Dead serious, I don't have a life. Not like that, anyway. Not in the way someone would call it "life", not to me. I exist. Every day is monotonous, endless repeat, with even the same meals and very little variation in-between. That is...a typical life, I know, but...nothing worth repeating every day. And et cetera, et cetera...

The few things in my life that do have variation are my interests, the things that happen in my mind, and the music I love and greatly adore to the very meaning of the word; practically worship, for crying out loud. But there is very little to practically nothing I can do to express my desires and likes...

...It's painful...Floating like this...

The reason why I want to make a Stage Three blog is...pretty much to start over. I don't know what I will do with this blog...I might just keep it up. I might even keep my old pictures up. I don't know. Seriously, no clue.

This is the story of my life. I am clueless.

I've also started a new Hot Blood regime. I think I mentioned the Hot Bloods before...Not sure. 2011 was my Hot Blood Workout. So far, it is the second most successful Hot Blood regime. Last year was the Hot Blood Overdrive, the first most successful HB regime. And...I have yet to start the 2013 Hot Blood Overdose. I meant to start it today, but...this whole year, 2013, has already been...the worst year in my life in a long time...

So...onwards to Stage Three: The Dark, Daring Experimental Days, a.k.a. Double-Daring and Damning myself. And who the hell is "Maryam"?

I'll be making my first entry whenever the hell I manage. Still not doing too well with access to the Internet, guys. You have no idea what that is doing to my psyche. I have nothing to do at home except listen to music, clean, or try (emphasis on TRY) to do work, both my own and school work...

Eh. I'm bitching again...