Friday, July 5, 2013

I'm confused

...But ain't that just completely normal, eh?

I am, after all, a confused person.

So here's what's going on. At the moment. I mean the very moment,'d be a million asinine things.

I'm still wondering if I should really put my stuff online...but I need a place to put my images, too. Okay, so deviantART, hell, even Tumblr sounds like a good idea in the beginning...but I'm not so sure, anymore, only because there are (or so many options.

Don't mind how strange that sounds.

At the moment, I'm uploading little things like this to my Tumblr:

This is a preview of something I'm working on, right now...a fanfiction, if you will. I...don't seem to have such an issue with uploading images since I can slap watermarks all over them, but...I still need a "hub" for them, you know.

deviantART still seems like a good so...


Why am I making this again...?


I need to frigging update this damned blog.

Right then, onto the boring stuff...

Never in my life have I felt so useless and meaningless. On second thought...maybe that's a lie. It likely is. But I can't remember, anyways. I have a very bad habit of living in the moment, and not in a good way.

I want to draw. I really do. But...strange as this sounds, I don't know how to start. My body...simply...doesn't respond like that. I honestly...truly...don't know why this isn't as simple as it is...

Writing? Don't get me started. You've no idea how much I desire to get these stories out of my head!!!

I'm focusing on my Kingdom Hearts Fever right now (a "Fever" is my definition of an intense and irrational obsession with something), and from this, I've reexamined my KH fanfiction The World That Never Should. It's a great story, it really is, and yet...I can't start it. Goodness' sake, I first wrote it seven years ago, and that seemed so easy! TWTNS is a demo for my Kingdom Hearts Tale, nothing has to be written in stone! It's just a demo, Mae! Come on, you know this...

...That's Eve's job...

...Bah. I really don't know why I have internet accounts. You, if you're reading this, are likely wondering the same. I've nothing to "donate" to the internet world, nothing to truly showcase or...contribute. Yes, contribute is the word, not donate. I've nothing. I am merely an aspiring and pathetic dreamer with severe illusions of grandeur.

I will start to act as if no one has any interest in what I have to upload to the internet. Maybe that way...I will be less afraid to things. Rant, bitch, moan...whatever. Maybe I would then become more

Why does this matter at all?

Because I'm lonely.

That's it in a nutshell. I'm lonely on many levels in many ways, too many ways, and I am sad and tired.

I'm confused.

I wonder if I should only have a Tumblr...

...I don't know.

That's my motto, you know.

I don't know.

So...very random, it is late, early, what have you, and...I need to try to continue working on TWTNS and what have you and maybe upload some things to dA and maybe debate on whether or not many of my old internet accounts are even worth keeping up anymore.

Don't mind me.

1 comment:

  1. It's been a while since I've looked at deviant art, but last time I did. You could actually set it up so that if interested, people could purchase prints of your art. So if you put it there you have the possibility of some income.