Religion, beliefs, and I

As you know, I was born and raised Muslim.

I believe in quite a lot of what is taught in Islam, especially the more important aspects such as the Angels, Books, Messengers, and life after death. It's the somewhat or absolute smaller but prominent issues that I have near extreme conflicts with.

• Heaven
  - How can a non-Muslim not be able to go to Heaven? I believe any good person should after they die. So you mean to tell me Mother Theresa isn't in heaven right now? You mean to tell me the nicest, most loving and beautiful people in my family won't be going to heaven just because they aren't MUSLIM? You. Have GOT to be out of your fucking mind. Religion and belief should have nothing to do with it.
• Love
  - If one truly loves another person, no matter who, what age or what gender they are, and are loved in return, shouldn't they be allowed to love in peace? Why is loving someone of your gender a sin? Love is so powerful...I believe it should be something respected and admired, not shunned and blasphemous.
• Gender
  - Yes, one may physically male or female. But if it were so wrong to feel the opposite or both genders, why is such a thing in existence? How can one help themself if that is how they truly feel? Are they to live in depression and confusion because of their body or their mindset? That makes no sense to me.
• On a lesser note, prayer.
  - I personally do not like nor do I feel comfortable praying the way Muslims are supposed to. This may change in the future, who knows. But right now...I prefer and enjoy praying quietly. Anywhere. Anytime. Quietly, aloud; it doesn't matter. Not physically, at least not the way Muslims are told to.

And a plethor of other things I can't recall off the top of my head.

I will always continue to follow the aforementioned Islamic beliefs. Always. And I will probably always consider myself a Muslim, especially in my heart...But a few others, specifically these...no. I cannot, will not accept them, no matter how hard I've tried. No. No, no, NO. I refuse. It infuriates me to so much as consider...

...I've been considering adapting other beliefs to the beliefs I already have. Something that makes a lot of sense to me or interests me. Maybe something to fill in some voids...I don't know, really, maybe not. Forgive me, I don't even know what I'm saying...

In the beginning, typically, I considered Wicca. In some ways, I'm still considering Wicca, but not too extensively. There are some Wiccan practices that resonate so well with me...perhaps I will adapt those. I recently did some research on Neo-Druidism...and...am very interested. It made me smile just reading about it. Animism and the that "religious truth [can] be found through nature" really gets to me. That and...oh, I love the idea of being connected to nature, as I really want to be a homeopath, herbalist, follow the macrobiotic philosophy, and...ehe...I have always dreamed of being a "neighborhood witch"...

...Yeah, okay, I should have kept that to myself...

So...Neo-Druidism and Wicca are currently very promising for me...I'm even getting...a little...excited...happy...at the mere thought of all of this...

...and maybe a little sad, too...