My first stage, stage zero, was doing what every (...or a typical...) child does: what they're told. I believed what I was told. I did what I was told. Or in other words, I was simply that. A child. Innocent, for the most part, and my little heart untainted. My stage one was the stage of rebellion and figuring out what my likes and dislikes are, but still pretty much too afraid to break out of my protective mold as much as I wanted to, around ages ten to fifteen. Stage two, this stage, is when I was/am beginning to travel on the road to my ultimate dreams and who I really want to be, not what others say I should be, believing what I believe to be truth...yet conflicted between myself(s). That lasted from around age fifteen to nineteen...going on twenty. And now, I'm on my way to stage three, which is me on that road to my ultimate dream and already knowing I am indeed who I want to be and no one will change that. I don't care how much someone doesn't like it.
Or...am I still on stage two...?
Perhaps for some while longer, huh? After all, there is a lot of experimenting I plan to do once I get out of here. I still can't believe I'm going to be twenty years old tomorrow...or that in four days, there will be a place reserved just for lil' o' me! Sort of; I'll have a roommate, but you get it...
Yeah. I guess I am still on stage two, for now. Hopefully next year, or by halfway to next year, I'll be on my stage three...Once that happens, I'll leave this blog behind and use one I've had on reserve since last year...
Oh, and...I haven't done any shopping yet, but thanks to this young adult program I'm in, the place helping me get out of here and on my feet, I have a small dish set, a small TV with VCR (booyah!), and a black lamp, all donated. And I bought meself two hard plastic goblets from a dollar store...that are silver and black...with silver skeleton hands "holding" them~ I. Love. Them. I will be using them every day!! Also got two stone gravestones that'll work well for bookends!! My first Halloween-season purchases~!!
Also...I'm still intending to uncover, one day soon. I've only covered this whole while because I chose to. I like covering my head, I want to get some hats, for instance, but...I also want to uncover, not wear a hijab all the time. Like I said, lots of experimenting is in order...
Still no internet, so...I'll be updating when I can, as usual.
And thanks for the good wishes!
Or...am I still on stage two...?
Perhaps for some while longer, huh? After all, there is a lot of experimenting I plan to do once I get out of here. I still can't believe I'm going to be twenty years old tomorrow...or that in four days, there will be a place reserved just for lil' o' me! Sort of; I'll have a roommate, but you get it...
Yeah. I guess I am still on stage two, for now. Hopefully next year, or by halfway to next year, I'll be on my stage three...Once that happens, I'll leave this blog behind and use one I've had on reserve since last year...
Oh, and...I haven't done any shopping yet, but thanks to this young adult program I'm in, the place helping me get out of here and on my feet, I have a small dish set, a small TV with VCR (booyah!), and a black lamp, all donated. And I bought meself two hard plastic goblets from a dollar store...that are silver and black...with silver skeleton hands "holding" them~ I. Love. Them. I will be using them every day!! Also got two stone gravestones that'll work well for bookends!! My first Halloween-season purchases~!!
Also...I'm still intending to uncover, one day soon. I've only covered this whole while because I chose to. I like covering my head, I want to get some hats, for instance, but...I also want to uncover, not wear a hijab all the time. Like I said, lots of experimenting is in order...
Still no internet, so...I'll be updating when I can, as usual.
And thanks for the good wishes!
I'm very proud of you for getting to an area where you can experiment and experience life head on. However,At the age of 32 I still haven't permanently gotten out of 'Stage Two' you do for a bit when you find a good interest, but I've found that in life it's a bad thing to stop learning and experimenting. If you stop looking around and experiencing life you kinda go into a bad zombieism that after a while makes you feel the same frustration, up until you heed the call. I do Hope that you don't fall into this trap. I do have some friends that have been lucky enough to find their true paths and do very well with it. I truly and seriously hope this happens for you, instead of what happens for me. So far I'm doing much better this second time around. :-) I also son't feel bad about it either. I once had a 60 yr old man tell me about the different things he did in each of his decades. Stated that at some point in the 10 yrs he felt the need to reinvent himself.
ReplyDeleteI just discovered your blog, and I absolutely love it! :D
ReplyDeleteI remember when I was a babybat--this post brought back a lot of memories.
I've only flipped through some of your other posts, but I plan to look through them extensively very soon but--
I assume it's quite hard to express yourself in your household--you have referred to it as a hellhole.
In which case I'd like to say that I've lived through near the exact same thing, and only recently did my dad and I actually talk about goth.
After four years of my being part of the subculture.
So, a word of advice, one that you seem to understand and take into account already--always be yourself.
Never try and shape yourself into someone else's needs. I've gone through so many tears and so much pain, but I refused to lose myself to get through it.
Wish you the best! c: