I don't even know why I'm writing this; this blog here's been clear from such blab shit, as I call it, for a while, now...
So I finally got around to talking to my brother about me leaving soon. He's personally fine with it; he said himself that he's seen this coming for a while now, that this is something he's known I've wanted for years. He just doesn't know how the whole showdown with our parents is going to go, either...
...I've got an awesome brother, I do...
I was supposed to go see the apartment (again) today, but didn't, and that's okay. I just...really...really want to be there now. Living there. Decorating...Finding a damned job...I admit I am impatient. I just want to begin my journey. Is that so much to ask for?
...Looking at Tumblr is a bad idea. All it does is make me sad...
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| At the library...wasting time... One of the main reason's I'm in this pose is so that my elbow presses the button |
I want to buy a camera, a real camera, unlike the one I use now from my laptop. Once I'm on my own, I'd like to start chronicling everything and make my own Tumblr, maybe. Can someone please recommend some good brands/models to get for video and digital pictures? It'll be my first buy...
I looked over some old 2004 - 2007 journal entries I wrote, both via my computer (2007) and handwritten. I seemed so damned...happy back then, for even the dumbest things. Then the very next year, everything suddenly spiraled down so quickly...I have those journals, too, from 2008 and 2009, the worst years in my life. What happened? Has it really only been less than five years that I've struggled with my depression? It feels as if it's been so much longer, especially since I'm still going through it now...The signs may have been sooner than even I think, but, whatever. It feels strangely disgusting at how carefree I was back then...especially when I was 12...
I found out about the Butterfly Project today, thanks to good ol' Gut (Joji Viktor Grey; yes, I call him Gut). Honest to God, I was thinking about picking up cutting once I got on my own, or at least really soon...but not for the reasons you think. At least, not all the time. I don't know. I don't promote self-mutilation due to depression or what have you, but...I have no problem with self-mutilation because you just happen to like it, and I do believe there is a difference...I'll elaborate on this one day...
Yeah. So I'm off, now...going to leave the library soon, get some bubble tea...and then go back home...Whee. And I'm literally slaving over this Bleach fanfic series I'm working on...
Random. Random, random: did I ever mention how much I FUCKING LOVE watching synchronized headbanging?! Been watching GazettE/Satyricon/whatever the hell else I can get my hands on music videos on YouTube...♥ *Siiiiiigh* I wanna play guitar....so badly...
Love the picture. You do such a great job of looking poise and melancholy. as far as cameras go I usually go with Cannon. Best of luck with telling your parents about the move! Maybe when you move out we can do some cross over post like that Beetlejuice one i had planned for ages ago but then ran into some speed bumps.
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