Monday, May 30, 2011

Future planning sucks

It has its up and downs, sure; getting all excited about what I hope will be, what might be and could be...but it's working on getting there that's hard. At least, for me. I'm doing just poorly right now in terms of staying true to my weekday schedule. I don't know...It seems as if I've just...given out. The date to take the GED is in three weeks...and I'm doing horribly with my homework and focusing. I've given out...

I'm not even sure what I'm going to do if I do get my GED at all, anymore. Originally, I planned to go to Job Corps, first here in CT, now I'm thinking the one in Massachusetts, since it's better than the one here. I'm not saying I don't want to go anymore, but...there's also the gourmet health food school in NY that I could go to. Or should I go there first? Or second?? I'm not sure anymore. I feel as if I never really was...

And then. What about the things I need before going to either of these places?? I need...a new wardrobe. Honestly. Seriously. Totally. That means money. And who the hell is going to pay for that? Certainly not me, as much as I wish it was. And I can't imagine my parents spending money on me again. No. I hate it. I'm eight-fucking-teen. I should have a job.

And that's another thing. I want a job. Not so much because I "really want" one as much as I "need" one. And hell, I'd like to be independent. It doesn't help that I have such expensive tastes. But, you know, that comes with the interests. Curse it.

And what am I doing now? Staying up until 1:00 AM when I have school tomorrow. Not to mention I haven't done any studying in the past four days. Where the hell is my head at???

Yes. Self-ranting sucks. These aren't the rants for nothing.

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