Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I'm a person, damn it all

The following is a heated, mindless rant fueled by pent up anger. You have been warned.

Yesterday the strangest, annoying thing happened to me. I'm minding my own business in the school library, just about an hour and a few before it closes, and trying my damned hardest to do my plethora of homework. I have a lot on my mind, mostly self-antagonizing, as well as the fact that the math finals are coming up and there's just so damn much I hate about math and it's all chicken shit scratch to me, and my right wisdom teeth have effectively made the entire right side of my face painful to touch and just overall in pain, not to mention cutting the inside of my cheek. Unfortunately, as I've been told by my mother, brother, father, and even complete strangers who stop me on the street, when I'm in a funk, it shows in my aura and on my face. Unfortunately. So I wasn't even looking in the general direction of this woman sitting at the computer beside me, and she suddenly asks me if I'm having a bad day.

What was I expected to do, lie? So I tell her yes, but blame it aaaall on my teeth and math finals instead. Then she goes into talk about how I "am old enough to make my own choices," and that I "am free" and "can be free" and asking if my father was harsh to me that went on for about...fifteen minutes. I swear, if I wasn't raised right...

You get where I'm going at with this? If I wasn't wearing a so glaringly obvious headscarf, this woman probably wouldn't have said anything of this annoyingly "nice" sort. No, it's not "nice" when you talk to someone about their choices in life, much less because of their religion. You have no idea what someone could be going through.

My point I...greatly...desire for people to not look at me and only see a Muslim woman. Because, oh, you know where the mind strays with those two come together. Oppression! Wearing all black! Faces covered! Being beaten by their husband! Having no rights whatsoever!! OH THE AGONY MUSLIM WOMEN MUST GO THROUGH!

Shit, fuck, man. The media is such a reliable tool, isn't it? Oh, and then when you actually see how "normal" Muslims can be, you immediately believe it isn't real! That it's just a ploy against the world and to make people see we can be trusted! So you shut the show down. Bastards.

As much as I love covering my head, and believe me, I do, I can't do this. This isn't helping my mentality at all. And I'd rather not have to feel as if I must prepare myself once I see a person coming towards me for questions, go on the defensive, and grab my mace in case this is a crazy person who won't leave me alone. It has happened to my mother and I. I don't want to have to announce to the entire quarter of a mile that a Muslim woman is truckin' through because they can see my headscarf from that distance.

I don't want to only be seen as a Muslim woman. I want to be seen as just a person. An anomaly, even. Just leave me the fuck alone and stop talking to me about my religion.

1 comment:

  1. Have you ever read "Does my head look big in this?" or "Ten things I hate about me" by Randa Abdel - Fattah? I love those books :)