Time for a new venting post

So beware. Beware...

In the past few days, I've felt extremely...subdued. I'm going through motions and doing things it normally takes some great encouragement to do. I have been spurred on my be new self-discovery, maybe even more than even I thought I would, because after getting all the damn education I need for what I want to do, then I can do whatever I want and can get away from here. Start over. No one would know me. "Who are you?" I am me. "Oh, okay. Pleased to meet you," or fuck off. Not "What are you doing, Maryam? Don't you know that's haram (unlawful)?"

I've been having internal discussions with myself, as I always have, and have decided I just need to do two things and I'll be good. Just do whatever you need to do, ignore your own selfish desires, and do what they tell you to do. Is that three...? As long as I'm listening to music, it shouldn't be too hard...I hope...

I did all of my homework last night, which is new. I'd usually be on my way to get it done now, before my first class.

I also want to talk a little about some things that have been on my mind since...Monday. But not in this post, I think. I have to get going and I'm feeling rather numb...

Next time: Of Elian, or Eve, my dearest, darkest friend...