Aristo vs. Loli

I was thinkin', I was thinkin'...and I'm happy.

Never even worn the style and I've grown out of it. Sayonara, lolita style~! There's plenty of reason behind my decision. It might even seem a bit harsh. But I'm damn happy I never really got into it! Man, oh, man...

First, what is it about lolita I found interesting? Hm. The dresses, maybe. The overall silhouette, when it was done right. Never liked the poof-poof, though.

Ugh, ugh, ugh!

I always thought a-line dresses to be much more appealing and so much more practical!

Ahh~  Better.

So, yes. I liked and still like the overall *ahem* a-line lolita silhouettes, but...

What is it I like about the aristocrat style? Pfft! EVERYTHING! You see, as I read online (don't remember where) as well as simply knowing, aristocrat is the adult version of a lolita and a kodona. The women are called, well, aristocrats, from what I know, and the men are called "dandy", which I think is...not the best term, and better known as "ouji", which means "prince". Eh. Whatever. But kodona is definitely a younger version of the two. Aristocrat...What does the word mean? The word alone makes one thing of elegant, proper and mature adults of the 18th century and whatnot, eh? I know it does to me.

A male aristocrat, left, near a classic lolita. From Wikipedia.

Elegance...sophisticaiton...maturity...things you don't often see with most lolitas, who try to be "sweet" and "childish". I wouldn't say childish if I hadn't seen it myself, okay? The thought of that annoys me...way too much. Childish...The hell did that come from? When I pictured lolita, I always saw it as doll-like, delicate and elegant, not CHILDISH. The fuck with the pat-a-cake games and singing ring around the rosie, you nuts!? CHILDISH! Now, don't mind me if that's what you actually want to do, but JEEZE, man. It totally shattered my imagery of lolita. What a turn-off.

Now, I'm not saying I don't acknowledge the more mature lolita styles...*ahemthatnotmanyseemtowearahem COUGH*. It's just...if I was going to put in all that effort to wear the more mature lolita styles, I might as well have my inner lolita grow up and become an aristocrat. It's much more practical...

Again, going into lolita and childishness. How is lolita, or what you usually see of lolita, not practical? Well, let's see...Most lolitas dress all decked out in deco and sweet, so much you might as well think they've got a rainbow colored cloud droppin' rainbow colored or pink-colored rain directly on them. Then come the complaints of being called "bo-peep", a prostitute and whateverthefuck. It's not because you're dressing lolita, I think, most of the time. Sure, I might be a little bit prejudice because I'd wear the dark(est) styles, but think about it. The media many-a-times portrays scantilly clad women usually in childish clothes like lolita and doing such childish things like...pat-a-cake...because it's...twistedly attractive to men. Some, of course, not all, but some of the worst, as we all know. If one were to wear aristocrat, however...the odds are you'd most likely be associated with, well, more mature-looking and less perverted styles and the like.

It just makes sense to me.

Would I test this theory and dress lolita instead of my already long, alike-gothic clothes? Hell no. You keep to yours, and I keeps to mine. But it's all about the imagery, you know.

Will wearing more mature styles completely keep one from being targeted? Fuck no. A girl was killed in 2007 just because she dressed in the gothic fashion. Kicked to death. Horrible. Fucking bastards who did that to her and her boyfriend...their families...
So as we all know, dressing different, especially in the alternative subcultures, will make anyone a target to anyone who is that fucked up in the head.

Still.

Aristocrat for the world.

Bad vs. Good

A few miscellaneous rants before I continue that discussion about my usage of the word "devious". These things have been on my mind for a while now.

"Bad versus good". What do I mean by this? Well, one day I was walking home from, er, "school", I suppose you could say, seemingly minding my own business whenever someone who looked a tad...suspicious came my way. Now, I'm not going to go into detail as to what I mean by "suspicious". Just take it as if you were in my shoes and saw someone ahead of you who caused you to ready yourself in case you needed to defend yourself. Yes. I know this must happen to some of you. It was then I realized that I might seem like a rather nice, harmless girl, but I have a very, very lethal fire burning within me.

Not that I might know what to do with that fire...

So. "Bad" versus "good". I don't want to be a good girl. Never wanted to be. I've always liked the bad girl image, but wanted to reinvent it to make it suit my interests and nature. *Sigh* Never been able to work on that right, yet, but I hope to in the future! My perfect bad girl image is to be able to well defend myself, not afraid to use my self-defence if necessary and able to remain fairly calm in a dire situation that could be life-threatening. And then of course my most favorite little things. The way I sit. The way I hold myself with confidence. But I'd be able to back up my confidence with actions if necessary. Not being arrogant, simply confident in myself; determined. Not smiling, since I really don't like smiling as is, unless it's a smirk or a grin when I truly feel needed. Simple, ya? Nothing "bad" about it. But it's the imagery that would give me that look...
We don't need to go into that.

Good girl imagery is all my community has seen of me, from what I know. Well, there was that one time, but I'm not sure how that was translated. Not worried about it, though, I'm way beyond worrying about simple, silly things like that. Huh. In the past three years or so, I've nearly all but disappeared from the watchful eyes of my community, which I favor. That's not to say people aren't talking, but...I'm not in the spotlight as often as I used to be. Ugh. "Role model", they called me. *Scoff* Once I finally show my real self to them, I'd love to see their reactions...

Definitely a nonsense rant, here. Just getting things out of my head.

Savers

Aunty took me out again yesterday~! This was my first time being at Savers, which is located on the Boston Post. Unfortunately, Aunty didn't know what time Savers closed on Sundays, so we ended up only having about thirty minutes to look for clothes. Mind you, thirty minutes to go shopping for clothes? HA! That's a joke. Thirty minutes and I only found one dress...shirt. It really is a dress, but I'd wear it as a shirt. It's not even black...sort of a very dark, near-black purple or sanguine color. I like it. It even has strings on the back, like a corset!
HAHAHA!!

I do have a pretty good eye *ka-chin~!*. Hm hm~

SO! Adding Savers to my list of good stores within bus/walking distance. Did I mention Savers is HUGE? Bigger than the Super Salvation Army?? Yeah. So it has plenty of changing rooms. That place is my savior~

Thank you, Aunty!!

Also, my Dad bought me a black and silver jacket! It might be too thin to wear on a day like today, where the weather is in the thirties right now, but it worked fine yesterday, which was in the forties! So I might be able to wear it...later today. I hope to have a lot planned. Today I hope to travel to the Salvation Army on Crown and...maybe the Super Salvation Army again. On my own. By bus. I hope to buy at least one thing; what I really need are new reading glasses, a new hijab or...three...stockings, and shoes. So...Conway, too, I guess. It's closer than the SSA, that's for sure. Hm. I'm just a bit concerned about the distance...I've never been that far away from home on my own before. At least when walking. So...I can probably do it, sure. I know the area and have a cell phone to call for transportation (which would be in the case of an emergency, anyway) and the bus schedule. I could always randomly call the CT Transit while in the store to find out...Oh...

...Does the bus even go to the...

Oh, sh— Naw. Never mind. I'll just go to the two closest thrift stores, which are on Chapel and Crown. Hells, no, that's too far away, Dixwell...Too far away...

It's fairly early, so I have some time to...eat and finish this letter to my mom.

Define: Devious

Typed in:

Define:devious

Used dictionary:

Google.com

 Result:

• indirect in departing from the accepted or proper way; misleading; "used devious means to achieve success"; "gave oblique answers to direct questions"; "oblique political maneuvers"
• characterized by insincerity or deceit; evasive; "a devious character"; "shifty eyes"
• deviating from a straight course; "a scenic but devious route"; "a long and circuitous journey by train and boat"; "a roundabout route avoided rush-hour traffic"
• wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
• Deviating; not straightforward, not honest, not frank; not standard
• en.wiktionary.org/wiki/devious
• deviously - in a devious manner; "he got the promotion by behaving deviously"
• wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
• deviousness - the quality of being oblique and rambling indirectly
• wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
• deviousness - The characteristic of being devious; sneakiness; underhandedness
• en.wiktionary.org/wiki/deviousness

Which of these do you think I mean when I use the word "devious"? If you've seen anything related to Project DV, obviously, this word comes up quite often. I've been thinking about it for a little while now...and since I have so many projects in mind and so many things I want to go public in the future...I'm wondering how the general mass will react to my usage of the word "devious".
Whatever the reaction, I do admit I'll never change it.
It's been the word I've always used.
Devious.

The meanings I use are "indirect in departing from the accepted or proper way", "deviating" and thusly "deviating from a straight course".

I'm gonna touch up on this sometime. There's a LOT I want to talk about.

Good ol' thrift stores pt. 2

I've been back for a while, actually. My older brother was just using my laptop, is all. I should be going to bed, but...I don't really have to go anywhere tomorrow until 2:00 PM. It's just...scheduling, you see. It's good to stick to a schedule, even if you don't have to do something early or other...

So. Aunty took me to Conway (I KNEW it was still there, damn you Google maps!) and another place called Rainbow right next to it. Hmm. I never knew that place was a discount store as well...Unfortunately, my beloved TJ Maxx wasn't there anymore! I wonder what they're going to make in its place...

Rainbow
Honestly...Rainbow...sucked. Sure, I saw a few great tops, as I did in every store. Good shirts are easy to find and it's always good to jump on the long-sleeved shirts they have now since it's still around winter/springtime/autumn weather. As for pants...Huh. Saw nice leggings...I did. Shame I didn't get them, and same with Conway. But...pants. My goodness. First of all, they were all tight-ass, skinnyleg pants. You know my gripes with those. And second, the shirts. I don't know if I was in the wrong section or WHAT but most shirts there were size...1-5. I didn't even friggin' know they had a size 1.
Definitely giving that one three stars out of five. (I made stars, too, but they're too big, damnit...)

Conway
Of course good ol' Conway made everything right! Two pairs of rockin' pants that oh, I wish I had a camera to take pictures of. Pretty simple, they are, actually, just the way I like 'em. One was going for $9.99 and the other $6.99. Nice prices. I seem to wear size 11 and 12. Though...the pants from earlier are...size 8. Confusing, confusing. But Aunty showed me an AWESOME way to figure out how to estimate if pants will fit. Hold the pants by their tops and place the very edge at the far side of your waist, not your hip; where your arms would be if you let them slack. If the other side doesn't reach the, well, other side of your waist, then the pants are too small. Now it doesn't have to be perfect. But at least right above were your hipbone would be, so align it.
At least...it worked for me...
*Sigh* Pictures, how I'd love thee...
Also, the tops. Ooh~ how I love the shirts Conway carries! So manysomanysomany and so many that looked a bit like blouses! Niiice!

Super Salvation Army Thrift Store
Located on Dixwell, same as Conway and Rainbow, I can't count how many times I've passed this place with my family and never gave it a second glance. I have to say after yesterday (as it just became 12:00 *ahem*), I will never ignore a thrift store again.
At this wonderful, wonderful place...I only found two things. One gilet-esque shirt that...eh, isn't that great, but perfect for when I go skating. My old shalwar kameez...is falling appart...This shirt will do better. It covers m'bum, at least. So I can wear my corset-esque pants with them...I think...? The other article I found were...capri-legnth flare pants! I don't know what else to call them nor do I know what they're called! (Damn grammar!) At last...I've always wanted pants like these...They're a little color-worn, but they'll do great!
Don't remember how much those cost, unfortunately...
This place isn't joking. It's friggin' HUGE.


View Larger Map

I mean look at that! I don't know if this embedded map really works, I have to lower the view a little, but that whole space there from where the white...ish...truck?...is parked on the right to the vehicle parked "behind" the sign is the whole store! It's wonderfully huge! And about four changing rooms. Not wonderful, those changing rooms, but they'll do. No one bothered me.
Good ol' thrift stores~!

The Salvation Army, Crown Street
This was the first Salvation Army store Aunty and I went into earlier yesterday.


View Larger Map

Again, it seems like I have to lower the view a little...but..This SA I always wanted to go into. I can't believe I never did until yesterday. I got my rockin' corset-esque pants there! AUW! And it's perfectly within walking distance. It's about halfway to the library from my house. Not sure how far that is...*checks Google Maps* 0.2 miles...Not sure how far that is, exactly, aside from...321 meters...*blinks* Google is amazing.

I pardon all of the map spam. If it's too much, I'll take it down and just explain it, if possible...They say pictures are better than words, after all...sort of...*doesn't have her own pictures, anyways*.

So. Thus concludes my first major shopping day since...sometime last year. July, I think it was. It was a...wonderful treat. I can't thank Aunty enough. And now, I should go to bed. It's going to be 1:00 AM in about 30 minutes...

Good ol' thrift stores~

Ahhh~ Thrift stores. A gift to those in need~

It's a long story and I don't feel like going into the lovely details, but to make it short, my Aunt bought me a very AWESOME top and pair of pants from the goodwill store not too far from my house! These are GORGEOUS, I tell you! I wish I had a camera! Alhamdulillah! I was so worried...

The top was $9.99 and the pants were $4.99, interestingly. The top was found with the skirtsuits, but it seems more like a very...awesome no-sleeved top, to me. It matches the style of my black and white no-sleeved top. Hmm~! I have a good eye, if I do say so myself...

The pants have a corset-esque design running down the sides of the legs. They seem to be...brand new, really. I'm shocked to know such perfect pants were there. At least, I can't find anything amiss with them. The top, however, does have some internal damage. But on the outside, it looks brand new, too. The only thing that worried me was that they both say "dry clean" to wash them. Fortunately, I looked up the symbols for washing clothes online a few days ago, checked up on it again just in case, and according to this, clothes washed on the gentle cycle when they should be dry cleaned should come out perfectly fine. So I'm going to go with that, since from what I'm told, dry cleaning is not inexpensive. Who has time for things like that for everyday clothes? Alhamdulillah, the top fits. I didn't try it on, you see, even when I said I had...*ahem* Bad, I know. But I was...well, I don't know. I really, really wanted it...

...I have discovered something interesting.

...I'm smaller than I thought.

...Still...no more bread after this week; two sandwiches with two slices of bread and a sub is my breakfast, lunch and dinner, today. Whoa. I don't like having a lot of mucus in my system. And since this is mayo, too...Ugh. Don't wanna start spring sick, y'know.

...But even more, still. I need to stop panicking. One day will not kill you. Not with the way I eat...

See. I hate this society. LISTEN TO ME!

I'm going to start a rant. Might as well shut up...

*Ahem* Back to the main topic. Inshallah, later, Aunty is going to take me back out, since it's true I need more clothes. Wear something easy to slip on and off...and not take this stupidly huge coat...

Subdivision #1 (??)

It's not a very new subdivision idea at all. But definitely one to add onto my project/ambitions page at last. Since I'm getting to know and listen to myself more than ever before, it's definitely something that is...possible...as long as I keep my eyes on the prize.

Two years ago, or so, I was thinking over my childish wanting to be a dancer and/or singer when I was little. Not so childish, I know. Instead, however, I was thinking...not a singer. Dance, yes. But singer? I have an even better idea: MUSICIAN! To play instruments! THAT is what I want to do more than any of those others! Master as many instruments as possible! Drums, guitars, flutes, pianos....!!! I can go on and on! And so...I shall name this old new project...

Project A.D.A.M, part of a division of PDV. What does its initials stand for? My lips are sealed~! Its name will very much likely change in the future, but this is all I'm ever going to mention about it. Out of all of the projects I'm working on...well, a great lot of them, anyway, Project ADAM is the most likely to only happen in the very far future. Ten years from now sort of thing. I don't care. Just as long as it happens...

Project #???

It's not a very new project idea at all. But definitely one to add onto my project/ambitions page at last. Since I'm getting to know and listen to myself more than ever before, it's definitely something that is...possible...as long as I keep my eyes on the prize.

Two years ago, or so, I was thinking over my childish wanting to be a dancer and/or singer when I was little. Not so childish, I know. Instead, however, I was thinking...not a singer. Dance, yes. But singer? I have an even better idea: MUSICIAN! To play instruments! THAT is what I want to do more than any of those others! Master as many instruments as possible! Drums, guitars, flutes, pianos....!!! I can go on and on! And so...I shall name this old new project...

Project A.D.A.M, part of another division of PDV.  HURHURHUR. What does that mean? My lips are sealed~! Its name will very much likely change in the future, but this is all I'm ever going to mention about it. Out of all of the projects I'm working on...well, a great lot of them, anyway, Project ADAM is the most likely to only happen in the very far future. Ten years from now sort of thing. I don't care. Just as long as it happens...

Ze END of Ze World

It's happened.

I told myself it would never happen to me. I swore it wouldn't. I didn't like the very thought of it, and honestly, I still don't. Materialistic things...they really don't mean anything, in the big picture. But...I am human. That's an excuse I don't use very often. I am also female. That is an excuse I do use quite often. So I curse my female genes for this inherited curse, as well as my humanity for the need of the crap in this world.

What crap?

CLOTHING AND SHOES!!

I'm obsessed! Obsessed and I HATE it!! But...I just got finished adding over fifty, sixty shoe pictures into my picture wishlist on Photobucket!!! THAT'S FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE! There is NO WAY on earth that I'll have that many shoes! It's stupid and I know it is! But that's the problem! A part of me really...REALLY wants them all! Oh, so IMPOSSIBLE.

*Sigh*

Also. I seem to be getting into designer clothes, inadvertantly. I don't even like the sound of that. Indie brands are expensive enough as is. But designer? Even more expensive. Talkin' $500+ and the least expensive might be around $400 IF that!  I saw a pair of designer shoes that weren't EVEN that great that cost OVER $1000! UNbelieveable. YOSUKE shoes aren't even that much, and they're the most expensive shoe brand I hope to buy, Inshallah! I don't hesitate when I tell you the second I come upon a designer brand/product/site or an online store where the first item is over $200, I BOLT. I don't want to see what is on the site in fear that I'll like it and want it. Scary expensive is scary.

When I was little, MUDD shoes were all the rage, at least to me, as they were my favorite shoe brand. My shoe tastes haven't changed since then: thick heeled boots/heels and round-toe shoes. I can't remember that far back as to what MUDD looked like at the time, but their shoes now are...pfft. Nothing compared to what I want to wear...
Everything is in the past tense. What do I have? I'll tell ya: a pair of white and silver-grey Sketchers sneakers that cost about $70 and...very old boots from three, four years ago that don't fit me right anymore. I only regret asking my dad to buy those sneakers...I could've gotten something better online that cost less than that.

*Sigh* But alas. Just two years ago, t'was, and I wasn't as passionate about online shopping or my true calling as I am now. I was damned stupid, that's what I was.

Yes, I am thankful for my clothes. I constantly remind myself I am fortunate to have anything at all. Allah knows I'm thankful. He does. He does.

Glad I got that off my chest...

Of Lolitas & Fake Crap

S'been a few days. Nothing much has changed, really. More observations...but nothing I feel I need to rant about. Well...sort of.

First of all, I'm so confused with my lolita interest. When I take a step back and look at it, it is not my style at all. Aristocrat is. Lolita? HELL no. I don't and never liked short dresses. Sure some lolita dresses are long and sure there are nice short dresses I don't mind, even to wear, but...no way. I wouldn't be caught dead wearing a short lolita dress. I have a short dress that comes a little below my knees, but (damnit, I wish I had a picture) dresses like those are the only exception. Long, flowing gowns and dresses are my sort of thing. So. No lolita, as much as a part of me that I thought died when I was ten wants me to. Hm. Sorry. But no. Also, I'm sick and tired of all of the bullcrap I come upon trying to find lolita clothing that suit my tastes and just finding the clothes, period. It's much easier to stick with aristocrat. OY, the headache, I tell you...

Maybe once, Inshallah, I create my own clothes in the future...but now...? *Scoff*

A few things I've realized with girls interested in lolita, especially African Americans (all my own observation and also, my own opinion):

• Most girls stick with sweet or near-sweet casual lolita, deco lolita, casual lolita, classic lolita, or sailor lolita.
• About two or three girls whose blogs I've looked at, and many but not all miscellaneous others, who claim to dress gothic lolita don't anymore or...don't really dress gothic lolita. They're more...casual/classic and kuro lolita. I find that...interesting...
• Wigs. WIGS. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I HATE WIGS. All the time, that is. Many girls look much better with their own real hair, even if it's short or *AHEM* curly as all get-out, like many African Americans'. I've seen gorgeous wigs, believe me, and I like the look...BUT WIGS!? What is with people nowadays and all of the FAKE crap?! And many who try the wig look simply put on the damn wrong sort of wig. Platinum blond or creepy-ass pink on a dark-skinned person really only works in cartoons, people.
• ...Prints. I think I went there already...*SHUDDER*

There might be more, but this is all off the top of my head right now. I needed to get that out.

And about said "fake crap" I mentioned...Let me tell something to you. It's really just the wigs I have a problem with. Fake eyelashes...Eh. I'm so-so about those. I love fake eyelashes and would love to have them, myself, but...only when they're necessary, like a photoshoot or a special occasion. Every day? NEVER. Not necessary. Wigs? Never in my life. Unless I were to go bald? Still not, maybe, unless my head simply isn't made for the bald look. I rather like the bald look on women and girls, to be completely honest. I just...do. Nothing about it. And...nails. Here's the thing about fake nails. I'm a Muslim, obviously, so nail polish is okay to wear, but best to wear when a woman is on her period. You see, nail polish covers the nail, so water can't get on the nail when you make wudu, or wash your body before praying. So fake nails would be much more sufficient, as you could simply remove the nail and be done with it instead of having to remove the nail polish, blah, blah, blah. I'd only wear fake nails when not on my period.

Nails...eyelashes...wigs...Oh, yeah.

Contacts. Same with the eyelashes. End of conversation.

Black Communities...

...literally.

It seems as if there aren't any online communities for African Americans interested or in the gothic fashion/style/lifestyles. There were, but they've been taken down or are horribly inactive and have been for years now. How sad. Yet there is a quote-on-quote "Gothic Lolita" community for African Americans on LiveJournal. It should really be called a simple African American lolita community, because...more than half of the lolitas there...are not gothic lolita. Saw about three, to be honest. Also, "lolita" is a broader term, since "Gothic Lolita" made my heart jump out of my chest...only to click on it and be severely disappointed. Damn false advertising.

The second I get the chance, I'm going to create an online community for African Americans interested in anything related to the gothic styles, meaning steampunk (the darker steampunk, that is), cybergoth, industrial, elegant gothic aristocrat, gothic lolita, etc. But where should it be...? Blogspot...or LiveJournal...? Certainly not on Wordpress. Hm. I think Blogger/Blogspot. I'm quite sure you can login using your usernames from Wordpress and LiveJournal, so it works better that way...I think...

To quote something said online by an African American gothic lolita (or was it a goth?) that I find funny as all get out:

"I'm so goth, I was born black."

You gothier-than-thou (or so-outrageously-anti-gothier-than-thou-I-can't-take-a-joke) lovelies might not appreciate this. But it's a great way to disarm idiots who think African Americans can't be goths, too. So use it. When necessary, that is.

To begin

I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea here. This here blog is all about me. Sure, that's what I said about my LiveJournal account, but...this is different. This blog will be for my rants related to:

• Project DV
• My Hot Blood Workout
• My future:
• Styles
• Mischievous doings
• PDV
• Opinions
• My road to my ultimate dream...

And anything else that I don't want certain eyes of my community to find so easily simply because I don't wanna hear them talk about it. I'm not "afraid", I'm not "worried". It's just annoying as all get-out to listen to.

Also, this blog is completely unscripted with direct connections to content on M.E.I. via Tron; unfiltered, unlike my LiveJournal. If you don't know what I'm talking about, then you will have many problems trying to figure out what I'll be talking about in the future.

To begin, I've been wondering about the newest style I've taken interest in: Lolita. It seems to be the most...complicating of all the styles I've ever liked. To be clear, I would never consider myself a lolita. I consider myself to be a goth with interests in lolita and would have a wardrobe that incorporates lolita styles.

My rants. Yes. It's been a while since I've taken interest in my old rants...This time, I hope for them to be real. The real deal coming from a born and raised Muslim girl. I want to blow people's minds away and let those like me (as I can't be the only one!?) see that they aren't alone. They can't be. A cruel, cruel world if I'm wrong.

Originally, I was going to post my video rants on YouTube and my site, but since I'm going to be getting rid of M.E.I., I'll just upload them on YouTube and then embed them here. Nowhere else. Not LiveJournal, of course. Hell no.

...So much to organize...

To all who read this, I want you to know that I'm just being honest with myself, here. I've had to deal with being afraid to be the real me in my community my whole life up until now and I'm not going to do that anymore. I know where my head is at, I know what I'm doing, no matter how bizarre and daring it is, and I'm still a Muslim. Nothing will ever change that.

New Interests

Hmm hmm! Found a new site called NAILS Magazine. It reminded me of two things that I've always...well, one that I've always been interested in and another that...I tried not to get into, but heck with it. I'm interested. Those two things are...henna designs (or body art in general) and nail art.

Not my nails. Look at this gallery for more from this nail artist.

And not those horribly long nails. The ones above and shorter are perfect size for me. And for dramatic occasion, the pointy ones~ Stilettos, methinks they're called.

So. I suppose this could all be summed up as body art, really. Naturally, the things I'm referring to along with are...personifying it...making it...dark. Enigmatic. Just the way I like my coffee and men (MAN does that sound wrong...??). I've always liked making symbols and whatnot...and that might, in fact, be easier than trying to draw something else. Those something else being things that I'm currently not very...patient enough to work at *AHEM*. Sloth. And nail art? That'll take some time to get good at, but it still seems a bit easier than drawing...those other somethings...and practicing symbols and whatnot will probably help at least a little bit in the long run.

Perfecting my symbols and whatnot will also help with eye designs for makeup. But why just stop at eyes, feet, hands and nails? Why not navel, lips, cheeks, forehead, arms, and legs? Hm hm hm~?

Another something(s) to add to my endless list of Things I Hope to Perfect One Day & Etc. Lovely.

Of Hijabis & Them Tight-Ass Jeans

If you're gonna wear tight-fitting clothes...well, you might as well lose the hijab, sister. 'Cause the imagery...is really bad on the eyes. It just doesn't paint a pretty picture. I'm sorry, but it doesn't. Really. I have nothing against Muslimas who don't cover! But wearing a hijab yet a short, waist-length shirt and wearing tight, ass-showin' jeans? No. No, no...no. My eyes. They burn.

And not just mine.

I don't know if you know that.

*Sigh*

Of Boots & Running

So. I was walking to the library when I realized something. Maybe it's just me since my current boots are old and uncomfortable and my sneakers don't have shoelaces, but if I were to ever walk with boots on...near Moi dix Mois-size boots like these:

...erm...won't they be really friggin' difficult to stride in?? I was wondering how on earth I would walk from here to the library with those monsters on. I'd love to, wouldn't mind to...but I'd probably have to take my time or else I risk twisting my ankle, with the way I walk now. Or maybe if I had the right size heel...3 3/4 was my heel limit, methinks...or was it 4 3/4...Eh. After all, at a nice pace, the boys of Moi dix Mois/Malice Mizer seem to be able to walk just fine. It's running that worries me. I have a motto, you see (one of many):

"If you can't run in it, it's useless".

That goes for clothes and shoes. You just never know when running might be the difference between life and death. Guess I'll just have to worry about that when the time comes.

Yesterday I was thinking about something. Ranting is about the closest thing I can do right now...

Hm. Seemed better in my head. Best not talk about it now...

Of Lolita & Prints

Definitely a rant, here. And not a nice one. But I have to get it out of my head!!

First, this is about the lolita...eh...preference...to wear prints. *Ahem* And especially, in this case, on an African American. Now, don't get me wrong...I've seen two of my sistas wear lolita without print and rock it! But...the majority that I've seen...Hm. All prints.

I don't like prints.

...

Not at all.

Sure, it's...eh...nice...but it'd have to be reaaaallly friggin' special for me to buy it or at least be more plain color than print, like at the wee bottom. This is just my opinion, here. I just don't get it...but it probably has something to do with the fact that I don't like the whole cutesy thing associated with lolita. Sure, there are plenty of times I think a lolita look is cute, but if I were to wear it, pfft, that sure wouldn't be my intention.

Sophistication...Elegance. Think Mana-sama and the way he dresses. He dresses lolita many times, but you wouldn't call it cute, would you?

Does he look cute to you?

So. Lolita + prints = turnoff. Ugh, ugh, ugh. And it's not about pulling it off. I just don't like it. Period.

Where I buy shit

From 2009 - present.

To be honest, I am not a shopaholic. I do enjoy shopping, oh, yes I do, but I like to have what I need and then be done with it all. Anything else I budget very carefully. When I don't have what I need is the only time you'll find me looking up stores and wondering how long an article of clothing/etc. I need (not really want) will be up/for sale/available for hours on end.

I've never bought from a store online, even though I have about...oh...100 online stores from around the world in a Google document. But in the "real world", I like to buy clothes from three places I call my besties: TJ Maxx, AJ Wright and Conways. Fortunately, they are all located on Dixwell Avenue, which is a comfortable bus ride away from where I live. Sure, it'd be best go travel there when you have a car (how else will you lug around all of those bags?), but...a bus won't kill you. I've seen many people ride a bus when they're lugging around a handful of bags.

TJ Maxx
The clothes you can find there! I've seen plenty of articles of clothing and accessories that can be considered gothic, though, just a little note, I found a gorgeous gothic necklace unlike anything I'd ever seen (even online) at Target. I still beat myself up over the fact that I didn't buy it.

AJ Wright
AJ Wright could be TJ Maxx's twin. It was the first of these three stores I ever went into. Back then, I was going for sportswear. Last year, I bought a black skirt with an attached mock-belt with a silver ring on it and a classic, large pair of silver and black headphones that I love deathly. That's another thing; these stores tend to have more than just bargain clothes. Take advantage of whatever they have!

Conway
Now, Conway is in a league of its own. Talk about stylish? YEAH, stylish. Beautiful long-sleeved shirts...jackets...I couldn't find long-sleeved shirts anywhere else during the spring/summer of last year, but I found them at Conway~ I was thrilled. I like wearing long-sleeves, you see, all year 'round. I even obtained the perfect belt for my waist, as I can't wear normal belts that have set sizes. I have to have the sort that have holes in them for any size. The only thing I will say about the Conway on Dixwell is...it seemed very...empty. At least it did when I was there. A bit disorganized in the back; things were falling off the shelves. Oh, but still a great place for discount clothing made from very good, very comfortable material.

Eh. It's another one of those days I just don't know what to do with myself. Woke up late...was overcast a while ago...It's sunny, now, but I'm not so sure I want to go the library. No reason to, really. Not anymore...
Oh, yes. I remember now. I have to organize my room.

Ah, well.

Stage Two

Yo, ev'ryone of the blogging world. This is my first Blogger blog, as I've had one on LiveJournal for a while, now. I don't quite like what I've done with that blog, though...I have to change it, sometime...

This blog will contain my rants, opinions, however immature or cruel they seem, mischievous doings, thoughts, likes, dislikes, and chronicle my journey to my ultimate dream. Amiss the fact that I've known of subcultures for years, I suppose you could say I'm either a three-year-old or four-year-old babybat. I love the music, I love the style, and I love everything gothic, but you'd never notice unless you heard my opinions on certain topics...and the music I listen to...and the things I write...etc, etc.

At a distance, I look absolutely harmless; a Muslima who likes to wear black and usually wears arm warmers and silver rings...but you have no idea of the dark, deep, devious and dangerous things going on in my mind...

This is "stage two" because my "stage one" was back in 2007 through 2008 when I did research on the subculture I love and feel a part of the most: the goth subculture. The research I do now is all part of the other stages...but I am way past stage one.

To all who read this, I want you to know that I'm just being honest with myself, here. I've had to deal with being afraid to be the real me in my community my whole life up until now and I'm not going to do that anymore. I know where my head is at, I know what I'm doing, no matter how bizarre and daring it is, and I'm still a Muslim.

To begin: Stage Two. Welcome to A Dark Mind in Dark Times.