Thursday, March 31, 2011

Bad vs. Good

A few miscellaneous rants before I continue that discussion about my usage of the word "devious". These things have been on my mind for a while now.

"Bad versus good". What do I mean by this? Well, one day I was walking home from, er, "school", I suppose you could say, seemingly minding my own business whenever someone who looked a tad...suspicious came my way. Now, I'm not going to go into detail as to what I mean by "suspicious". Just take it as if you were in my shoes and saw someone ahead of you who caused you to ready yourself in case you needed to defend yourself. Yes. I know this must happen to some of you. It was then I realized that I might seem like a rather nice, harmless girl, but I have a very, very lethal fire burning within me.

Not that I might know what to do with that fire...

So. "Bad" versus "good". I don't want to be a good girl. Never wanted to be. I've always liked the bad girl image, but wanted to reinvent it to make it suit my interests and nature. *Sigh* Never been able to work on that right, yet, but I hope to in the future! My perfect bad girl image is to be able to well defend myself, not afraid to use my self-defence if necessary and able to remain fairly calm in a dire situation that could be life-threatening. And then of course my most favorite little things. The way I sit. The way I hold myself with confidence. But I'd be able to back up my confidence with actions if necessary. Not being arrogant, simply confident in myself; determined. Not smiling, since I really don't like smiling as is, unless it's a smirk or a grin when I truly feel needed. Simple, ya? Nothing "bad" about it. But it's the imagery that would give me that look...
We don't need to go into that.

Good girl imagery is all my community has seen of me, from what I know. Well, there was that one time, but I'm not sure how that was translated. Not worried about it, though, I'm way beyond worrying about simple, silly things like that. Huh. In the past three years or so, I've nearly all but disappeared from the watchful eyes of my community, which I favor. That's not to say people aren't talking, but...I'm not in the spotlight as often as I used to be. Ugh. "Role model", they called me. *Scoff* Once I finally show my real self to them, I'd love to see their reactions...

Definitely a nonsense rant, here. Just getting things out of my head.

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