Wednesday, August 10, 2011

This is no act

This is a sort of add-on to the second part of the Goth Challenge, since my head was all jumbled up back then...I suddenly know all of the things I've wanted to talk about.

Starting with this thing my mom has told me a few times I've shown and explained to her the pictures of African-American lolitas I've seen while doing some extensive research and searches online, or even just browsing. I'm going to say it: most of them are not at all...well put-together. Is this in my opinion? Hell yes, this is just my opinion. I would post pictures, but that would be mean, I suppose. What do I mean by "put-together"? I'm talking the typical things that would make anyone, no matter what they were wearing, look awkward: bad wigs, wigs of colors that don't match their skin, clothes of materials that look very much like costume material (like satin), wonky colored materials that, again, don't at all match their skin, and I could go on.

Of course not all dark-skinned lolitas look like this. There are three I can think of (via mental imaging) that looked wonderful! Inspiring! But like I said, most of them are not. I told my mother this and you know what she said? "I think many of these girls are into the lolita scene because they might have white friends who are part of it."

That got me thinking about something else that I'm wondering.

It's obvious. You go to an alternative event and you might, just might be lucky enough to see one dark-skinned fellow. Okay. Some people may or may not see that one alternative of color and use them as the poster child for proof that alternative subcultures are diverse and tolerant of, duh, being different. Whatever. What I'm getting to is...what does that say about me, huh?

I'm African-American, but have no white friends. I really mean that; there aren't any white girls my age in my community that I can think of off the top of my head unless they moved away. I discovered these subcultures on my own through my own research. That's the way it's always been. When I saw/heard/thought of something, asked about it and received a response that didn't satisfy me, I looked it up online or in a book. I was fifteen when I finally, after years of admiring them at a distance, looked up the alternative subcultures and realized I've always been a part of them. This is simply, utterly, truly who I am. I'm not faking this, I'm not trying to be someone else or "act like I'm white". Fuck that.

I'm preparing myself for the day I'm asked questions like that from strangers and maybe even people in my own community, aside from the Devil Speeches that I might and have already received once. Oh, yeah. That was really lovely. I already know what to say to those lovely naysayers who will/might bust a gut over my decisions...

I wonder what'll happen when the day comes that I arrive at an alternative event decked out in wonderful, proper attire, but my imagery as African American and a Muslim woman on top of that? (Because guys can totally get away with that not being obvious.) I almost look forward to the day...

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