While revisiting my own educational hell, I came up with a few names for blogs...
So, I've given M&RoaM a new name, as I said I would. This wonderful name of a blog is going to be exactly what it says it is, because it's only been while I've searched and read around other gothic/alternative lifestyle blogs recently that I've noticed...Amiss the fact that I've known of these subcultures for years, I suppose you could say I'm either a three-year-old or four-year-old babybat. I love the music, I love the style, and I love everything gothic, but you'd never notice unless you heard my opinions on certain topics...and the music I listen to...and the things I write...etc, etc.
At a distance, I look absolutely harmless; a Muslima who likes to wear black and corset-esque armwarmers with silver rings (my current staple accessory...and not good ones, but I like 'em). *Shrugs* Maybe in the eyes of more experienced goths, that's not so. But I fear not! One day I shall live up to my romance!
...Even though it seems like such a long way off...but I won't dwell on that! I WON'T!!
I try...
This is "stage two" because my "stage one" was back in 2007 through 2008 when I did research (and, boy, do I mean RESEARCH) on the subculture I love and feel a part of the most: the gothic subculture. The research I do now is all part of the other stages...but I am way past stage one. I was never an ignorant mallgoth!! HA HA~! But I will say, though, I do like the mallgoth look...the better parts of it, anyway...baggy pants with chains and d-rings and spiked bracelets and hail YES, Marilyn Manson...~!!!
So. The other two blogs I'll be working on in the (very near) future will be the real M&RoaM that will be accompanied by video blogs (!!) and then a test blog for me to muck up shat as I rant about me and my attempt to try to create and/or alter templates for my own devious purposes, ehehehe~ I shall try, anyway...
And...in the far, hopefully-closer-than-it-seems future...the final blog...when I am no longer a babybat...and have developed my own sense of belonging in the world...
Whoa. I had a moment, thar.
Do excuse.
On to the next one!
Monday, April 25, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
LARP vs. RLRP
This isn't exactly a new interest, but it can count. Technically I came up with this ingenious role play in 2006...
Let's talk about LARPing. For those who don't know, LARPing stands for live-action role play. It's when you see people dressed up in costumes and acting out scenes as if they are characters from a story. It's all good fun! I've LARPed before, though it wasn't a fantasy setting. It was a court and I played a juror. Ahhh~ It was fantastic...I'll never forget it for two reasons. One because it was at a convention I went to when I was about...seven and all of us girls chased after the defendant after he escaped the court with the fake jewelry...because all of us girls wanted the fake jewelry. And two because...well...*ahem* I wet my pants that day. :|
Too much info.
Right, so! RLRP, however, can best be explained by using an amazing band as an example. This band is Gorillaz. Sure, I could use Alvin and the Chipmunks, but I don't like them. *Ahem*
So. The fantastic "music project", though I call them a band, Gorillaz are a four...uh, "manned" group created by Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlet. The picture to the right shows the "fictional" band members from right to left: Stuart "2D" Pot, Murdoc Niccals, Noodle, and Russel Hobbs. Recently there's also been a new member who is Cyborg Noodle, but we won't get into that.
The point I'm trying to make with these four (five, whatever) is that they're fictional, but treated like actual characters. They have interviews, Murdoc has Facebook updates, etc, etc, etc...but everyone knows that they're not real. That doesn't stop them from being popular, of course. And I myself treat them like real people, ignoring the fact that they have people behind and that events that surround them can't/never happened them unless it's, of course, necessary.
This is what I would consider a real life role play. You take fictional characters, events, even worlds and make them seem as if they really exist. It's a fantastic thing, really, and I've been doing it for years. Of course, I wonder how people will react when they discover it's all an...act of sorts, but what I do is blend the truth with fiction. Say a "character" dies and I go into a depression. Someone might have really died or I just really went into a depression, you see? In my case, I just actually went into a depression...
...and since I'm recovering, that person might be ressurected! See how it goes?
It's a fun thing, really, more enjoyable than LARPing, if you ask me. You can RLRP offline, online, and even in a LARP. So! There's really no "vs." going on here, but I do think RLRP is better than LARP.
And now I'm going to go check out Gorillaz's new album, The Fall! WHOO-HOO!
Let's talk about LARPing. For those who don't know, LARPing stands for live-action role play. It's when you see people dressed up in costumes and acting out scenes as if they are characters from a story. It's all good fun! I've LARPed before, though it wasn't a fantasy setting. It was a court and I played a juror. Ahhh~ It was fantastic...I'll never forget it for two reasons. One because it was at a convention I went to when I was about...seven and all of us girls chased after the defendant after he escaped the court with the fake jewelry...because all of us girls wanted the fake jewelry. And two because...well...*ahem* I wet my pants that day. :|
Too much info.
Right, so! RLRP, however, can best be explained by using an amazing band as an example. This band is Gorillaz. Sure, I could use Alvin and the Chipmunks, but I don't like them. *Ahem*
The point I'm trying to make with these four (five, whatever) is that they're fictional, but treated like actual characters. They have interviews, Murdoc has Facebook updates, etc, etc, etc...but everyone knows that they're not real. That doesn't stop them from being popular, of course. And I myself treat them like real people, ignoring the fact that they have people behind and that events that surround them can't/never happened them unless it's, of course, necessary.
This is what I would consider a real life role play. You take fictional characters, events, even worlds and make them seem as if they really exist. It's a fantastic thing, really, and I've been doing it for years. Of course, I wonder how people will react when they discover it's all an...act of sorts, but what I do is blend the truth with fiction. Say a "character" dies and I go into a depression. Someone might have really died or I just really went into a depression, you see? In my case, I just actually went into a depression...
...and since I'm recovering, that person might be ressurected! See how it goes?
It's a fun thing, really, more enjoyable than LARPing, if you ask me. You can RLRP offline, online, and even in a LARP. So! There's really no "vs." going on here, but I do think RLRP is better than LARP.
And now I'm going to go check out Gorillaz's new album, The Fall! WHOO-HOO!
Zipped Lips
First of all...I have another new follower!!! Dunno why my rants and shat are interesting, but I'm not complaining~!! THANK YOU~!!
Weeell...still nothing better to rant about. So I'm going to shut up for a while. Oh, sure, I'll be active; even though...today is the last day of my vacation (and I still haven't done most of my homework), I'll still be able to update my pages, maybe add a few more and whatnot. But posting new entries? I dunno. Depends on what comes to me during...*sigh* the next couple of weeks and stuffs. I am a student after all...
I will say this, though: added many more blogs to my bloglist, including a few more gothic/lolita. I figure heck with it, even deco/sickly-sweet lolita blogs can be helpful, you know? It's true, after all. I'm going to be clearing out my browsing history, as I do every Sunday, and I don't feel like looking for the blogs I read today but didn't add to my bloglist again...but I'll probably be able to find them...
Another something random: the font I currently use for Project DV will need to be bought. Found it on Cheap Pro Fonts, so I should be good. It's $10, which is fantastic. At the very moment, however, since PDV isn't...well...public, at least not like that, I should be good with the personal use one...for a little while longer. I'll try to put aside $10 for the commercial version it as soon as I can, though. I need that font and I don't want to get into freakin' legal issues! Also, that beautiful font deserves to be bought...The author deserves the profit.
And why am I up at 2:10 AM? I ate late. *Sigh*...
Been thinking of doing movie reviews, but I think I'm too opinionated for that...or perhaps that's exactly why I should...
Weeell...still nothing better to rant about. So I'm going to shut up for a while. Oh, sure, I'll be active; even though...today is the last day of my vacation (and I still haven't done most of my homework), I'll still be able to update my pages, maybe add a few more and whatnot. But posting new entries? I dunno. Depends on what comes to me during...*sigh* the next couple of weeks and stuffs. I am a student after all...
I will say this, though: added many more blogs to my bloglist, including a few more gothic/lolita. I figure heck with it, even deco/sickly-sweet lolita blogs can be helpful, you know? It's true, after all. I'm going to be clearing out my browsing history, as I do every Sunday, and I don't feel like looking for the blogs I read today but didn't add to my bloglist again...but I'll probably be able to find them...
Another something random: the font I currently use for Project DV will need to be bought. Found it on Cheap Pro Fonts, so I should be good. It's $10, which is fantastic. At the very moment, however, since PDV isn't...well...public, at least not like that, I should be good with the personal use one...for a little while longer. I'll try to put aside $10 for the commercial version it as soon as I can, though. I need that font and I don't want to get into freakin' legal issues! Also, that beautiful font deserves to be bought...The author deserves the profit.
And why am I up at 2:10 AM? I ate late. *Sigh*...
Been thinking of doing movie reviews, but I think I'm too opinionated for that...or perhaps that's exactly why I should...
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Surprise, Surprise??
I have another follower!! She has an amazing blog. I'm just getting started...*sigh* but I can't help but hope I get better at designing things via computer...graphic design or something...all on my own. Oh. I forgot to add that one to my list of ambitions...*sigh*
Well. Yesterday was...annoying. Somewhat. I did manage to go to the library and did make it to my therapy on time...but all she told me was that she believes I'm pushing myself too hard as well, just like everyone else. Maybe I am. But even when I feel I'm not I still don't get work done.
People all tell me the same thing, trying to be nice:
And today...at the library again, but...I cannot believe how difficult it is for me to focus! I've been here for about an hour or so...but did I complete any school work? I did yesterday, but not today. After a while, I was sick of the distraction and just decided to get it over with and get on the comptuter.
...I'm not looking forward to going home. Home is just chaotic. Home is...uninspiring. Home is depressing. Home is not as homely as it should be. Not to menion the people I live with are...not listening to me.
I hate it when my posts are depressing, but what can I say. I'm going through that typical time in a young adult's life where this stuff is a daily occurance...*sigh*
I'd like to rant about something fun or inspiring...or something again...
Well. Yesterday was...annoying. Somewhat. I did manage to go to the library and did make it to my therapy on time...but all she told me was that she believes I'm pushing myself too hard as well, just like everyone else. Maybe I am. But even when I feel I'm not I still don't get work done.
People all tell me the same thing, trying to be nice:
- I'm beautiful.
- I'm smart.
- I'm mature.
- I'll do "just fine".
And today...at the library again, but...I cannot believe how difficult it is for me to focus! I've been here for about an hour or so...but did I complete any school work? I did yesterday, but not today. After a while, I was sick of the distraction and just decided to get it over with and get on the comptuter.
...I'm not looking forward to going home. Home is just chaotic. Home is...uninspiring. Home is depressing. Home is not as homely as it should be. Not to menion the people I live with are...not listening to me.
I hate it when my posts are depressing, but what can I say. I'm going through that typical time in a young adult's life where this stuff is a daily occurance...*sigh*
I'd like to rant about something fun or inspiring...or something again...
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Subdivision #3
Why are the best ideas...almost always taken...? It seems that way most of the time...
Another not-really-new-but-being-mentioned-for-the-first-time new interest/project-of-a-sort. Title a.k.a. Project #3 of 2011.
I was thinking about the Latin phrase "memento mori". Came upon it after listening to BUCK-TICK and Deathgaze's songs of the same name. Both songs are good...but BUCK-TICK's is...HOO. The style of the song! The lyrics! The whimsy! I'm reminded of Alice in Wonderland when listening to it. I love that song. So. Much.
Back to the point.
I also recently discovered the mori-girl style thanks to browsing a plethora of lolita blogs (again, curse it). No, no, NO. I will NOT be getting into mori style. Sort of. At least, ehehee...not like that. Y'see, along with wanting to become a chef— have I ever mentioned I want to become a health foods chef? Yes, I very much do; macrobiotics, too. All of that earthy good foods stuff that you'd probably find Grandma and Grandpa or your uber hippie neighbor eating...
...*grins* or your friendly neighborhood witch doctor...
If you've put it all together, you and me, we pals. Awesome idea, ain't it? I've wanted to be since...well, since forever, really...though inadvertently...
I'm goooood at making up names...even when they are sometimes taken...but I shall somehow prevail...somehow...
Welcome, Project M&M! AND....it has nothing to do with M&Ms, and, hell, the "&" shouldn't even be there...
Another not-really-new-but-being-mentioned-for-the-first-time new interest/project-of-a-sort. Title a.k.a. Project #3 of 2011.
I was thinking about the Latin phrase "memento mori". Came upon it after listening to BUCK-TICK and Deathgaze's songs of the same name. Both songs are good...but BUCK-TICK's is...HOO. The style of the song! The lyrics! The whimsy! I'm reminded of Alice in Wonderland when listening to it. I love that song. So. Much.
Back to the point.
I also recently discovered the mori-girl style thanks to browsing a plethora of lolita blogs (again, curse it). No, no, NO. I will NOT be getting into mori style. Sort of. At least, ehehee...not like that. Y'see, along with wanting to become a chef— have I ever mentioned I want to become a health foods chef? Yes, I very much do; macrobiotics, too. All of that earthy good foods stuff that you'd probably find Grandma and Grandpa or your uber hippie neighbor eating...
...*grins* or your friendly neighborhood witch doctor...
If you've put it all together, you and me, we pals. Awesome idea, ain't it? I've wanted to be since...well, since forever, really...though inadvertently...
I'm goooood at making up names...even when they are sometimes taken...but I shall somehow prevail...somehow...
Welcome, Project M&M! AND....it has nothing to do with M&Ms, and, hell, the "&" shouldn't even be there...
2nd Try
I'm going to try wearing this short dress-shirt again. I suppose I could bring something to change into if I feel too uncomfortable...Hm. I think I'll do that, actually. Yes. I like that idea. And I know just what to bring along. See. I feel better already...
And now! Off to the library and then on to therapy!!
Also!! I can't believe I forgot to mention I have a follower!! SERIOUSLY?! HOW DID I NOT NOTICE? Thank you!
And now! Off to the library and then on to therapy!!
Also!! I can't believe I forgot to mention I have a follower!! SERIOUSLY?! HOW DID I NOT NOTICE? Thank you!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Fail
Epic fail.
My attempt to...be productive today didn't work. Once again, on the computer all day, even though I did manage to clean the sinks in the house, since they desperately needed a good scrub. Shame on me. Commit suicide in with-it-ness. Anyone who knows that song(s) line is my new best friend...Not really, since you could always look it up. :|
But I'm going to try again tomorrow, considering I really do have to go out tomorrow. Therapy an' all that loveliness. *Sigh* It's going to bed that's bothering me. Latest I've gone to bed since my messed up school schedule started was nearly 2:00 AM!! That is truly horrendous! No later than twelve, okay?! Sheesh...
Found some more interesting blogs, including two gothic lolita ones. As long as they're "real" gothic lolita, I'm fine with them. I don't want to be influenced by the wrong type of frills, you see. After all, real men wear frills~ *Ahem* Found one of the members of the Muslim Lolita blog. I'm a bit confused, though, about her thoughts on shounen-ai...She calls herself a fujoshi and then talks about BL like it bothers her sometimes. I guess I'll put yaoi, shounen-ai, yuri, and shojo-ai back in my interests...~
By the way, GOD almighty, she can draw....
I'm also going to elaborate a lil' on my About page. Add a few things in case a like-minded person happens to come upon my blog...let them know they aren't alone, as I so often feel amiss all I've found...
*Sigh* This has got to stop somehow...
My attempt to...be productive today didn't work. Once again, on the computer all day, even though I did manage to clean the sinks in the house, since they desperately needed a good scrub. Shame on me. Commit suicide in with-it-ness. Anyone who knows that song(s) line is my new best friend...Not really, since you could always look it up. :|
But I'm going to try again tomorrow, considering I really do have to go out tomorrow. Therapy an' all that loveliness. *Sigh* It's going to bed that's bothering me. Latest I've gone to bed since my messed up school schedule started was nearly 2:00 AM!! That is truly horrendous! No later than twelve, okay?! Sheesh...
Found some more interesting blogs, including two gothic lolita ones. As long as they're "real" gothic lolita, I'm fine with them. I don't want to be influenced by the wrong type of frills, you see. After all, real men wear frills~ *Ahem* Found one of the members of the Muslim Lolita blog. I'm a bit confused, though, about her thoughts on shounen-ai...She calls herself a fujoshi and then talks about BL like it bothers her sometimes. I guess I'll put yaoi, shounen-ai, yuri, and shojo-ai back in my interests...~
By the way, GOD almighty, she can draw....
I'm also going to elaborate a lil' on my About page. Add a few things in case a like-minded person happens to come upon my blog...let them know they aren't alone, as I so often feel amiss all I've found...
*Sigh* This has got to stop somehow...
Monday, April 18, 2011
I know my Burando
Ehehe...I did some last-minute desperate, serious searching for lolita clothes that actually appeal to me. I don't know why the hell I never did this before. It's common sense, for crying out loud! So I visited all of my old links I made in a Google document...and came upon over ten brands I can honestly say I like....a LOT. Like I said, I could give a flying about whether or not these are replicas, how popular they are or whether people use them for cosplays. It's all about how well they're made. You can get away wearing clothes made for cosplay if they're made well enough no one would even think twice about it.
Unfortunately, but to be expected, they are hella expensive. Over $400, one outfit set was, and you couldn't get it separately. Damn, huh? Overall, everything is over $100 - $200 going into the $400s. But...Inshallah...*ahem* Well, I am getting into designer clothes, whether I like it or not. I just got finished adding an amazing designer to my...Truly Wish-list. That makes three designer brands I like...and if I'm not mistaken, this other one that's Japanese might also be considered designer...
But that's not the point.
Fact of the matter is, I know where they are (online, that is), they ship overseas and...I like them. So here are the names of the Japanese gothic lolita/aristocrat clothes I suggest to other serious lovers of these styles!
Feast your eyes on:
Ozz on Japan: Ozz Croce
Ozz on Japan: Ozz Onest
Ozz on Site: Ozz Angelo
Milky-Ange
Since these dresses are long enough, this would be the real petticoat I'd wear underneath— y'know, the type that makes sitting down difficult! You can even change it to make different styles, like ballroom, a-line and drape!
...I'd have pictures from QutieLand, but the pictures still don't work.
Tenkai-Japan: ATELIER-PIERROT
Tenkai-Japan: Deorart
Tenkai-Japan: SPECCHIO
Moi-meme-Moitie
At last. Lolita and aristocrat brands I LIKE!!! I can't believe I finally found 'em! See that lace? I actually like it! WHEEEE—
This sucks.
How long will it take, I wonder...?
...Well. I can, for one, say that I'll be buying from Fan+Friend, Ozz Croce, Ozz Onste, and Ozz Angelo first. Maybe Rakuten, aside from Demonia and Pleaser, for shoes if I can manage scraping together over $600...again.
Pray, Mary. Pray and stay focused...It isn't completely impossible...Get a job...get a job...save money...
Unfortunately, but to be expected, they are hella expensive. Over $400, one outfit set was, and you couldn't get it separately. Damn, huh? Overall, everything is over $100 - $200 going into the $400s. But...Inshallah...*ahem* Well, I am getting into designer clothes, whether I like it or not. I just got finished adding an amazing designer to my...Truly Wish-list. That makes three designer brands I like...and if I'm not mistaken, this other one that's Japanese might also be considered designer...
But that's not the point.
Fact of the matter is, I know where they are (online, that is), they ship overseas and...I like them. So here are the names of the Japanese gothic lolita/aristocrat clothes I suggest to other serious lovers of these styles!
Feast your eyes on:
- Ozz on Japan, from Japan, of course. They have three brand names, all of which are very original and unique. They are rather very expensive for the average person (like me), but have a good range of prices; I think I saw a shirt that was about $30? Pay with PayPal. It ships overseas via Tenso, apparently. I guess it's not as easy as I thought...It's actually pretty complicating, in fact!
- QutieLand, from China. This is even better than Fan+Friend, and you know how I ranted how much I loved them. They have...really nice sweet and dark clothes, but it all depends on how you wear it. I can't believe what I found here that I like. Pay with PayPal. Shipping is...expensive, overall. Brands they carry I like:
- Rose Melody
- Dear Celine
- R-Series
- Infanta
- DollcroPs (hats only, so far)
- Surface Spell Gothic
- Classical Puppets
- Yolanda (it's out of stock last I checked)
- Milky-Ange (also at Rakuten), from Japan. VERY expensive. They have such original, GORGEOUS outfits. I'd only get clothes from one section, the long maid dresses, along with over-knee socks. I wouldn't wear the dresses with the aprons or hats, and there ya go~ No one would be the wiser! Pay with PayPal.
- Tenkai-Japan, from Japan. Pay with PayPal. Brands they carry I like:
- ATELIER-PIERROT
- Deorart
- SPECCHIO
- Alice Garden [accessories]
- osewaya [accessories]
- SNOB [accessories)
- Moi-meme-Moitie, from Japan. Very expensive, but it's to be expected. Gorgeous clothes. I've only seen three colors: blue/violet-blue/purple-blue, black, white, and silver for the jewelry. I can so dig~ Pay with PayPal.
Ozz on Japan: Ozz Croce
Ozz on Japan: Ozz Onest
Ozz on Site: Ozz Angelo
 |
| the lower half of this skirt is bothering me a little...but I still like it |
 |
| Also available in white |
 |
| Also available in black |
Milky-Ange
 |
| Sister Leticia |
 |
| Minerva Maid Sister |
 |
| Sister Trinity, long vers.; sold out at Rakuten! T-T Also in white |
Since these dresses are long enough, this would be the real petticoat I'd wear underneath— y'know, the type that makes sitting down difficult! You can even change it to make different styles, like ballroom, a-line and drape!
 |
| 3-stage long petticoat |
...I'd have pictures from QutieLand, but the pictures still don't work.
Tenkai-Japan: ATELIER-PIERROT
 |
| Long Corset Dress |
 |
| Angora Ribbon Bolero |
 |
| Long Bustle Corset Skirt with waterproof finish |
 |
| Shirring Ribbon Blouse; also in white? |
Tenkai-Japan: Deorart
 |
| Lame Butterfly Print Custom Bandana |
 |
| Cross Printed Frock Checkered Custom Bandana |
 |
| Double Wristband |
Tenkai-Japan: SPECCHIO
 |
| Shuttle Pleat Mellow Frill Neck Sleeveless Sequined Top |
 |
| Shuttle Pleat Flared Skirt |
 |
| Crystal Pleat Mermaid Skirt |
 |
| Shuttle Pleat Drape Bolero Jacket |
Moi-meme-Moitie
 |
| Neck Belt Long Gilet |
 |
| Long Overskirt |
 |
| Double Wide Pants |
At last. Lolita and aristocrat brands I LIKE!!! I can't believe I finally found 'em! See that lace? I actually like it! WHEEEE—
This sucks.
How long will it take, I wonder...?
...Well. I can, for one, say that I'll be buying from Fan+Friend, Ozz Croce, Ozz Onste, and Ozz Angelo first. Maybe Rakuten, aside from Demonia and Pleaser, for shoes if I can manage scraping together over $600...again.
Pray, Mary. Pray and stay focused...It isn't completely impossible...Get a job...get a job...save money...
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Random
Just reminding myself of what to do tomorrow, since I at least visit this blog every day.
Tomorrow, Monday, I wake up early and begin cleaning my room or the kitchen. Either one will do, but I'll probably stick with my room so I can listen to my tunes (that is, after Dad leaves). Ehh...at the same time, I should get the kitchen out of the way since it's easier. Yeah. Dad might be here for a while, anyway.
Don't forget to remind him about grocery shopping and ordering products from Melaleuca before he leaves.
Just before twelve, eat lunch, if possible. Once twelve o'clock comes around, go out to the library and stay there until 2:00 or so. Then come home and begin working on room, if haven't already started before leaving...
Around 6:00 PM, if I haven't gotten too distracted (which is inevitable), begin working on those damn packets! Can't forget all I've learned or I'm SCREWED!!
Mph. I just realized I haven't really ranted about anything worthy of ranting about in a few days. Feels kind of strange. It seems as if my daily...schedule, going out to school every day and whatnot, gave me plenty of time to think of things to rant about. I've got nothing right now...
That's another thing.
Tomorrow, Monday, I wake up early and begin cleaning my room or the kitchen. Either one will do, but I'll probably stick with my room so I can listen to my tunes (that is, after Dad leaves). Ehh...at the same time, I should get the kitchen out of the way since it's easier. Yeah. Dad might be here for a while, anyway.
Don't forget to remind him about grocery shopping and ordering products from Melaleuca before he leaves.
Just before twelve, eat lunch, if possible. Once twelve o'clock comes around, go out to the library and stay there until 2:00 or so. Then come home and begin working on room, if haven't already started before leaving...
Around 6:00 PM, if I haven't gotten too distracted (which is inevitable), begin working on those damn packets! Can't forget all I've learned or I'm SCREWED!!
Mph. I just realized I haven't really ranted about anything worthy of ranting about in a few days. Feels kind of strange. It seems as if my daily...schedule, going out to school every day and whatnot, gave me plenty of time to think of things to rant about. I've got nothing right now...
That's another thing.
And maybe even 31%...
I need to make a list of my "percentage" to my Ultimate Dream. I may be in a lower percentage than I think...
I was talking about something with Lenny, my older brother, and it hit me: I want to be a chef, right? But lately I've also been practicing roundhouse kicks and trying in my pathetic way to strengthen my legs. I also take the words of a certain anime character very seriously ever since I heard them when I was twelve.
 |
| Black-Leg Sanji, at 19 yrs old |
How can I not use him as inspiration?! He had me the second he gave Gin food in the episode he was introduced in, as I had watched the (disgraceful!) 4Kids dub before even reading the manga. I was enthralled and moved by his conviction to feed those who were hungry, no matter who they were. And the fact that he doesn't use his hands to fight, but his feet...As someone who adores footwork of all types, that got me, too. If it were possible, I'd be learning his Black Leg Style as soon as possible...but, of course, one could always invent something like it and dub it that instead....~ Mwahaha...
Ahh~ Sanji. He's like me in a few ways. I can't relate to Zoro...can't relate to Luffy at all...but Sanji. Yeah. Overall, a very nice person, but BY GOLLY, can I be downright foul. Especially when you're on my bad side. I like cooking (in my case, to an extent, but hope to improve on that) and I'm horrified by the thought of starvation. I would feed anyone who was hungry because I believe cooks, like doctors, should be unbiased and just do their job, no matter who it is who requires their services. After all, even the very worst criminals can have a last meal before their death. I may NOT like and even hate the person who needs the food, but he's still hungry, and that doesn't work with me. Starvation is one of the worst forms of torture...I can't see myself wishing that on anyone...
...Of course...there might be and probably are plenty of exceptions...
...Anyway...With this revelation, I may in fact be at 31%...
Wasteful
*AHEM, ahem* Well. I've been reading a lot all afternoon. Haven't eaten anything except for the last orange. *Sigh* I didn't mean to. I just found out about Andora BatBrat thanks to Amy from The Ultimate Goth Guide. Inspiring women, they are, and I've been reading their lovely posts all afternoon, as I said.
I didn't post yesterday because I was at..a community "youth retreat", but it was more like a...well, I don't know what to call it, but "youth retreat" isn't what I call it. I was called up my the same Aunty that took me out lately and she asked me to go. So I went. I wouldn't have, but maybe that'll keep her away from me for a while? Doubt it...
Met up with an ooooold friend for the first time in years. She's all grown up an' *sniff*...yeah, good stuff...
...I don't know why, maybe it was because I just wasn't in the mood (as I was in a VERY bad mood yesterday) to skimp around and not offend someone, but I let loose when I spoke to her. I pretty much let her know about all of the stuff I'm interested in; the subcultures, the music, the stories, the mindset...I don't know why, either. She's now the fourth person to know. The other two are my mom, my older brother and my (best?) friend.
Why I told her I don't know...but I don't regret it or anything. I'm just confused with myself...
...Though the fact that she didn't take it well and in typical fashion is a bit to be expected...but still...
I'm feeling a bit stupid, ruining my whole weekend by agreeing to that...pointless...event, even if I did meet up with a good friend I hadn't seen in years. Sure, it was okay, if you were five years to maybe twelve years old. MAYBE that. Five? Yeah, you had a blast. Twelve? I know for sure I would have been a pissed tween. I could have cleaned up my SEVERELY messy room that whole 24 hours. I came home and went to sleep, for crying out loud! I don't know why; it wasn't as if I did anything! *Sigh*...
Now I'll have to start cleaning tomorrow. I'm not in the mood to do anything right now. I did some minor errands today...which ended in me only buying deodorant...but still got my exercise, I guess.
...Ugh...
My room looks like a tornado ran through it and hasn't been cleaned since November 2010.
This is what being Soth and having to eat, sleep and breathe education studies does to you. I wonder if I should be happy. After all. This week is going to be the shortest week of my existence.
I'm not looking forward to next Monday.
I didn't post yesterday because I was at..a community "youth retreat", but it was more like a...well, I don't know what to call it, but "youth retreat" isn't what I call it. I was called up my the same Aunty that took me out lately and she asked me to go. So I went. I wouldn't have, but maybe that'll keep her away from me for a while? Doubt it...
Met up with an ooooold friend for the first time in years. She's all grown up an' *sniff*...yeah, good stuff...
...I don't know why, maybe it was because I just wasn't in the mood (as I was in a VERY bad mood yesterday) to skimp around and not offend someone, but I let loose when I spoke to her. I pretty much let her know about all of the stuff I'm interested in; the subcultures, the music, the stories, the mindset...I don't know why, either. She's now the fourth person to know. The other two are my mom, my older brother and my (best?) friend.
Why I told her I don't know...but I don't regret it or anything. I'm just confused with myself...
...Though the fact that she didn't take it well and in typical fashion is a bit to be expected...but still...
I'm feeling a bit stupid, ruining my whole weekend by agreeing to that...pointless...event, even if I did meet up with a good friend I hadn't seen in years. Sure, it was okay, if you were five years to maybe twelve years old. MAYBE that. Five? Yeah, you had a blast. Twelve? I know for sure I would have been a pissed tween. I could have cleaned up my SEVERELY messy room that whole 24 hours. I came home and went to sleep, for crying out loud! I don't know why; it wasn't as if I did anything! *Sigh*...
Now I'll have to start cleaning tomorrow. I'm not in the mood to do anything right now. I did some minor errands today...which ended in me only buying deodorant...but still got my exercise, I guess.
...Ugh...
My room looks like a tornado ran through it and hasn't been cleaned since November 2010.
This is what being Soth and having to eat, sleep and breathe education studies does to you. I wonder if I should be happy. After all. This week is going to be the shortest week of my existence.
I'm not looking forward to next Monday.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Incense, Drugs, Therapy
I'm sporadic. I say one thing and have strong convictions about my opinion one day and by the next day or even hours later I have an entirely new conviction that's just as strong. I don't like it myself, even though I'm used to it...but no one else is (maybe except my older brother), especially those who don't know me. No duh. So...what's changed? A few things...like my divulging into my ultimate dream so soon...
It's not that I've changed my mind over it. Hell no! It's that...I don't know if I should be trying to get into it now while there's so much I need to do completely unrelated to the dream part of my ultimate dream, like education. I need to put all energy into that, into working towards it. Not sitting in front of the laptop browsing hundreds of sites a week and viewing online stores I can't buy from and looking at pictures of people that seem otherworldly. How I'd love to seem otherworldly.
Yes. I am a pessimist. Yes, I know that's not a good thing. Yes, I know along with my strangely-rapidly-growing misanthropy, that's a dangerous combination. Not that it'll change my mind about it. No shit...
At the same time...I'm dying to express myself. The only thing I ever thought I was good at, writing, has failed me. I cannot finish a story to save my life. This hurts me...more than I can put into words, and has very well devastated me. This left me slowly, morosely glancing over at other things I had the opportunity to be good at or learn but never took up upon believing I was good at writing, which was enough for me. This included drawing and sewing, two other things that if I could only master or be good at even one...I'd be happy. Happier, anyway...which is better than now...
I know I'm only eighteen and "the world is at my fingertips" or whatever jolly good crap people spew at me...but I don't see it. I see weights on my shoulders. I am a weight on my shoulders. It's not "everyone else" I'm angry at. It's ME. I can't stand it all. I can act it off well enough, and this I do know, but as for actually being alright? No. Of course not. I'm not okay. I pray (not joking) for God to make me mute, for crying out loud. I can't stand to hear myself speak...and I'm too afraid to ask for much else...
Because if that were to come true...me becoming mute...I'd be devastated. Not because it actually happened, but because me praying for something bad to happen to me, whereas praying with all my heart and mind for something good to happen doesn't.
Now does that sound right to you?
...Right. So it's reasons like this that I'm going to therapy. I should get going to the library...but I have to call my father first.
That's what I always say...
It's not that I've changed my mind over it. Hell no! It's that...I don't know if I should be trying to get into it now while there's so much I need to do completely unrelated to the dream part of my ultimate dream, like education. I need to put all energy into that, into working towards it. Not sitting in front of the laptop browsing hundreds of sites a week and viewing online stores I can't buy from and looking at pictures of people that seem otherworldly. How I'd love to seem otherworldly.
Yes. I am a pessimist. Yes, I know that's not a good thing. Yes, I know along with my strangely-rapidly-growing misanthropy, that's a dangerous combination. Not that it'll change my mind about it. No shit...
At the same time...I'm dying to express myself. The only thing I ever thought I was good at, writing, has failed me. I cannot finish a story to save my life. This hurts me...more than I can put into words, and has very well devastated me. This left me slowly, morosely glancing over at other things I had the opportunity to be good at or learn but never took up upon believing I was good at writing, which was enough for me. This included drawing and sewing, two other things that if I could only master or be good at even one...I'd be happy. Happier, anyway...which is better than now...
I know I'm only eighteen and "the world is at my fingertips" or whatever jolly good crap people spew at me...but I don't see it. I see weights on my shoulders. I am a weight on my shoulders. It's not "everyone else" I'm angry at. It's ME. I can't stand it all. I can act it off well enough, and this I do know, but as for actually being alright? No. Of course not. I'm not okay. I pray (not joking) for God to make me mute, for crying out loud. I can't stand to hear myself speak...and I'm too afraid to ask for much else...
Because if that were to come true...me becoming mute...I'd be devastated. Not because it actually happened, but because me praying for something bad to happen to me, whereas praying with all my heart and mind for something good to happen doesn't.
Now does that sound right to you?
...Right. So it's reasons like this that I'm going to therapy. I should get going to the library...but I have to call my father first.
That's what I always say...
...Whatever happens happens...
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Misanthropolis
Two things that show the stupidity of men and mankind in general.
Yesterday an event on the bus resulted in the driver calling 911. Why? Because an asshole cussed at him after the driver specifically told him NOT to cuss at anyone.
The idiot done walked to the back of the bus with a loud "FUCK YOU, BITCH~!" So. Lovely Idiot #1 sits his lil' behind down while the driver calls 911. But then, upon realizing the man was darned serious, gits off an' goes alllll the way down the street to a completely bus (and bus number) entirely. But does Mr. Sensitive Bus Driver take off? NO! He done called his supervisor, too! But no one wants to wait for the "po-po" so some funny kid who seriously reminded me of Miyavi-sama somehow hailed down an officer that was coming by and said officer come on the bus. Mr. Sensitive points out...offenders...who "threatened" him and said offenders, some who I believe were innocent, were told off the bus. So then Mr. Sensitive's friggin' supervisor comes as well as the police officer who was called up.
Long story short, it was stupid. All of it was. The whole thing could have been avoided if only an idiot shutted the fuck up and listened to the request of the driver.
Those who were told off included:
And THEN. Today the same Mr. Sensitive comes and WHAT happens?? The girl everyone from yesterday said was innocent gets on and...Mr. Sensitive doesn't want to leave the bus stop. The bus isn't moving. What the...? Was he seriously holding a grudge for the actions of a person others said didn't even happen? I wasn't paying attention, so I don't remember (as I was writing the whole thing down), but...seriously?? And then holding up the bus service for twenty minutes....AGAIN just because of it?! That's just plain STUPID!
Once the next freaking bus came, everyone was about to get off...except the girl did first. So people sat back down. Some didn't care and were so outraged that they got off and went to the other bus anyway. I was going to sit back down myself...I waited until the girl was out of sight...and watched Mr. Sensitive as other passengers asked if he was going to go at last. But what happens instead? Well, did I mention how rude Mr. Sensitive was/is? So he completely ignored them. I mean literally. 100%, no exaggeration. And at that same split second, I remembered yesterday even after Idiot #1 left, we still ended up waiting for the police and the stupid superviser. So I got off the damn bus and went to the next one. I, thankfully, have a 31-unlimited local ride bus pass.
It was mildly entertaining yesterday...but just plain stupid and annoying today.
I hope to never have to ride a bus driven by that man again.
Men are so stupid.
Now on to the main topic...
Humans. Lately I've been people watching more than I ever have before. I look up to that sly fox Gin for inspiration. 'Course, I'm nowhere near his supurb...manipulation and clever skillz, but...I'll get there. And I promise I'll be nice about it~ No, really, I swear. But the thing is...humans...disgust me. Generally. Sure, we're nice people. Sure, we can be nice people. But generally...no. I look at myself, even, and I can't stand it, sometimes...
I'd go into a rant about this, but I'm not exactly sure how to put it into words. I'm recently realizing my disgust with humankind so...
I'll think about talking about it more once I've laundered it over in my head.
Yesterday an event on the bus resulted in the driver calling 911. Why? Because an asshole cussed at him after the driver specifically told him NOT to cuss at anyone.
The idiot done walked to the back of the bus with a loud "FUCK YOU, BITCH~!" So. Lovely Idiot #1 sits his lil' behind down while the driver calls 911. But then, upon realizing the man was darned serious, gits off an' goes alllll the way down the street to a completely bus (and bus number) entirely. But does Mr. Sensitive Bus Driver take off? NO! He done called his supervisor, too! But no one wants to wait for the "po-po" so some funny kid who seriously reminded me of Miyavi-sama somehow hailed down an officer that was coming by and said officer come on the bus. Mr. Sensitive points out...offenders...who "threatened" him and said offenders, some who I believe were innocent, were told off the bus. So then Mr. Sensitive's friggin' supervisor comes as well as the police officer who was called up.
Long story short, it was stupid. All of it was. The whole thing could have been avoided if only an idiot shutted the fuck up and listened to the request of the driver.
Those who were told off included:
- 1 idiot
- 1 girl who people said was innocent
- 1 young mother who was only kicked off because she said...or complained...that she had children to get; this bothered me, that she had to get off just because of that...
And THEN. Today the same Mr. Sensitive comes and WHAT happens?? The girl everyone from yesterday said was innocent gets on and...Mr. Sensitive doesn't want to leave the bus stop. The bus isn't moving. What the...? Was he seriously holding a grudge for the actions of a person others said didn't even happen? I wasn't paying attention, so I don't remember (as I was writing the whole thing down), but...seriously?? And then holding up the bus service for twenty minutes....AGAIN just because of it?! That's just plain STUPID!
Once the next freaking bus came, everyone was about to get off...except the girl did first. So people sat back down. Some didn't care and were so outraged that they got off and went to the other bus anyway. I was going to sit back down myself...I waited until the girl was out of sight...and watched Mr. Sensitive as other passengers asked if he was going to go at last. But what happens instead? Well, did I mention how rude Mr. Sensitive was/is? So he completely ignored them. I mean literally. 100%, no exaggeration. And at that same split second, I remembered yesterday even after Idiot #1 left, we still ended up waiting for the police and the stupid superviser. So I got off the damn bus and went to the next one. I, thankfully, have a 31-unlimited local ride bus pass.
It was mildly entertaining yesterday...but just plain stupid and annoying today.
I hope to never have to ride a bus driven by that man again.
Men are so stupid.
Now on to the main topic...
Humans. Lately I've been people watching more than I ever have before. I look up to that sly fox Gin for inspiration. 'Course, I'm nowhere near his supurb...manipulation and clever skillz, but...I'll get there. And I promise I'll be nice about it~ No, really, I swear. But the thing is...humans...disgust me. Generally. Sure, we're nice people. Sure, we can be nice people. But generally...no. I look at myself, even, and I can't stand it, sometimes...
I'd go into a rant about this, but I'm not exactly sure how to put it into words. I'm recently realizing my disgust with humankind so...
I'll think about talking about it more once I've laundered it over in my head.
What this blog's about
Yeah. I touch up on it in my first entry and somewhat in About Mei, but I like making entries and clarifying things to avoid stupid conflicts and conversations.
This isn't an advice blog, which I think is obvious. Noo, I'm much too opinionated to give good advice to others, unfortunately. Trying to work on that. But perhaps I just need more experience...
This is my place to publicly rant, whether someone is listening or not, and my place to record said rants for reference. That's just how I work. I'm also using this to archive my ascent to accomplishing my ultimate dream...
So yeah, I say some pretty mean things that offend or insult, cuss unnecessarily many times and seem like I'm three years younger than I actually am. I'm being me, and I am brutally honest. I use language because I do. That's just how I speak...when I write. When I actually talk to someone, you'll notice a difference. I can seem like many different people depending on what I'm doing. In 90% of my mindsets, I would love to curse when I see fit, but I was raised differently. I like to keep things like that on paper and only curse when necessary in real life. The other 10% of my mindsets I'm more aware of than them actually being mindsets like the others. That 10% is more like...a guideline to my mindsets.
As for "what about those who read" said blog? Well, read at your own risk. I'm not trying to make any enemies here, but I might hurt your feelings. I don't name names, though I think I at least give you the general direction of said persons I might be talking about, if I talk about anyone at all. Usually, I take my topics from personal experiences, everyday matters, wonderings, dreams, aspirations, and observations...but not people themselves.
...I'm a bit pissed off right now because I accidentally blew of a whole $20 by buying a mistake and buying a cheap umbrella due to sheer stupidity.
Random fuming is random.
In the future, I hope for this blog to have a new name. What I'll call it, I have no idea. Had some, but lost them. Hopefully, there will be no need for it to be surrounded by rants as it is now. God willing, it'll be more of a...lifestyle of a devious Muslima blog. And yes, I do want emphasis on the fact that I'm a Muslim. I want others to know that they can be Muslim and dark at heart, too~ As you can see, I'm not ramming anything down anyone's throat...I'm just opinionated...
So. I'll come up with some future names, since I like making up names and titles...but in the meantime, I need to get going to the library. I might finish some old entries while I'm there, if possible, before going to school.
This isn't an advice blog, which I think is obvious. Noo, I'm much too opinionated to give good advice to others, unfortunately. Trying to work on that. But perhaps I just need more experience...
This is my place to publicly rant, whether someone is listening or not, and my place to record said rants for reference. That's just how I work. I'm also using this to archive my ascent to accomplishing my ultimate dream...
So yeah, I say some pretty mean things that offend or insult, cuss unnecessarily many times and seem like I'm three years younger than I actually am. I'm being me, and I am brutally honest. I use language because I do. That's just how I speak...when I write. When I actually talk to someone, you'll notice a difference. I can seem like many different people depending on what I'm doing. In 90% of my mindsets, I would love to curse when I see fit, but I was raised differently. I like to keep things like that on paper and only curse when necessary in real life. The other 10% of my mindsets I'm more aware of than them actually being mindsets like the others. That 10% is more like...a guideline to my mindsets.
As for "what about those who read" said blog? Well, read at your own risk. I'm not trying to make any enemies here, but I might hurt your feelings. I don't name names, though I think I at least give you the general direction of said persons I might be talking about, if I talk about anyone at all. Usually, I take my topics from personal experiences, everyday matters, wonderings, dreams, aspirations, and observations...but not people themselves.
...I'm a bit pissed off right now because I accidentally blew of a whole $20 by buying a mistake and buying a cheap umbrella due to sheer stupidity.
Random fuming is random.
In the future, I hope for this blog to have a new name. What I'll call it, I have no idea. Had some, but lost them. Hopefully, there will be no need for it to be surrounded by rants as it is now. God willing, it'll be more of a...lifestyle of a devious Muslima blog. And yes, I do want emphasis on the fact that I'm a Muslim. I want others to know that they can be Muslim and dark at heart, too~ As you can see, I'm not ramming anything down anyone's throat...I'm just opinionated...
So. I'll come up with some future names, since I like making up names and titles...but in the meantime, I need to get going to the library. I might finish some old entries while I'm there, if possible, before going to school.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Growin' Up Styles
There's much I'd like to post tonight. I finished what I think is all of my homework...they didn't specifically sign anything to me...
*Ahem* Enough of that. This is my first picture-heavy post for two reasons. One is because once again I've taken a step away from my lolita craze! I'm fully establishing myself into more aristocratic styles, not saying I won't have some lolita ensembles here, too. Of course. The second reason is because...well, I want to see products from Bodyline, Cosmates and Fan+Friend altogether. Of the three, though, I have to say Fan+Friend is the absolute best. F+F has amazing stuff, I have to say. I don't GET why none of the lolitas I've seen in communities have ever bought the best! They always chose the same old, same old: prints and boring stuffs! UGH.
Right. Needless bashing that is rude and unnecessary...
So on to the posts! The few lolita things and more aristocratic/gothic pieces I like from Bodyline, Fan+Friend and Cosmates. Hail Fan+Friend...
Let's start from what I think is "worst" to "best".
Bodyline
Cosmates
Fan+Friend
Best thing about this is that it has no sign of a bow or lace or shat. The one in the middle is removable and...there is a bow under the cape, but I'd get it off. Grr. This really is too gorgeous to pass up. Also, it's also not so obviously lolita like most things. I'd get it in black, though.
As you can see, I adore Fan+Friend. I hope to buy much from them in the future, Inshallah.
As for more lolita pieces I like, here are some I adore from QutieLand. [EDIT] Came to view it again (next day, this is) and...the pictures aren't coming in. WHY?!
*Ahem* Enough of that. This is my first picture-heavy post for two reasons. One is because once again I've taken a step away from my lolita craze! I'm fully establishing myself into more aristocratic styles, not saying I won't have some lolita ensembles here, too. Of course. The second reason is because...well, I want to see products from Bodyline, Cosmates and Fan+Friend altogether. Of the three, though, I have to say Fan+Friend is the absolute best. F+F has amazing stuff, I have to say. I don't GET why none of the lolitas I've seen in communities have ever bought the best! They always chose the same old, same old: prints and boring stuffs! UGH.
Right. Needless bashing that is rude and unnecessary...
So on to the posts! The few lolita things and more aristocratic/gothic pieces I like from Bodyline, Fan+Friend and Cosmates. Hail Fan+Friend...
Let's start from what I think is "worst" to "best".
Bodyline
This JSK would make for a nice dress-shirt to wear with pants, if it falls nicely. It's also the only one not so obviously lolita. That's why I like it.
I really don't know what to think of this cape. I wish the cross and chains were in silver. I'll have to think about this one, but it'd do nicely with aristocrat. I'm worried about how long it'd be, though.
Honestly, this coat is...okay. I'll have to think about it.
A decent-looking top. I could care less about the skirt and everything else.
Via Fan+Friend. Must I explain why I like this?
Both chains via Fan+Friend. I like chains. Go fig.
Cosmates
All of these hats look really decent. Hopefully their prices are worth it.
Fan+Friend
Via Cosmates. Looks like something my mom has...I kinda like it. Looks decent...*frowns* Hopefully it is.
Via Cosmates. Simple. I'll go back to see what it's made of...
Versatile long undervest. Always something to have.
This is so gorgeous it should be a sin. What's the matter with those lolitas?
Tuxedo jacket! Not too many frills! Just enough. This is...*melts*~ Brown looks good, too.
This looks more like a gilet, but I'm not complainin'!
Been looking for something like this for years.
WOW! Goes nicely with corsets!
Even my brother likes this one.
....Speechless. It's...too damn gorgeous. Many colors for it, too.
Pants and skirt. My favorite bottom combination.
It looks plain, but it's so damn versatile~!
Not a good color here, but this is actually pretty nice. Not necessary, though, so I might delete it from here...
Can you say Trinity Blood?
Comes in black, too.
SOBLOODYFUCKINGGORGEOUSLONG! LONG! LOVE IT!
Not...a good color, but it comes in others. It's nice and casual.
A steel bone corset~?
This is wonderfully casual, yet deeply elegant. Can be formal, too.
Was meant to be layered...
...with this lovely mofo~!
As you can see, I adore Fan+Friend. I hope to buy much from them in the future, Inshallah.
As for more lolita pieces I like, here are some I adore from QutieLand. [EDIT] Came to view it again (next day, this is) and...the pictures aren't coming in. WHY?!
Well. When it comes to Japanese clothes, I surely know what my favorite brands are, now. All of these...except Bodyline and Cosmates. Cosmates has stuff from Bodyline and Fan+Friend, for crying out loud, and barely anything of their own. But when they make for nice backup stores...but I'll probably be buying locally and from F+F first.
Next I'll work on more American brands. Maybe won't have another severely picture-heavy post, but...I'll think of something.
I meant to write other entries today, but...I've already done a lot. That and I need to stop being on T2.L (my laptop) so much. *Sigh* This week has been full of him as a distraction (yes, I give my electronics genders, usually male). Something had happened today and I meant to post about it...Meh.
On to the next one!
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